


I promise...

by Angelscythe



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dadvain, Drama & Romance, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Church Route, Just me giving to Sylvix another ending out of AM, M/M, Original Character is Sylvain's child, Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23753155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelscythe/pseuds/Angelscythe
Summary: After having sided with the Church in the War dividing Fódlan, Felix ran away from his title and entered a Mercenary life.Years laters, Sylvain requested his help but Felix dismissed it, having walked for too long on a bloody path sprinkled with fights and fights. A life suiting him well. Taking the Boar's place...And yet.One day, the Prince of Sreng called him for his aid and Felix discovered a delightful poison he wanted to feel within him until the end of the time. But could he allow this to himself?Couldhelove and be loved in return?
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Sylvain Jose Gautier & Original Female Character(s), Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Sylvain Jose Gautier/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I always got kinda disappointed to get the Sylvix non-AM ending and the last time I played the game, I just decided I wanted to give them *something else* I hope y'all ready for 10 chapters of me crying over them and putting way too many self-indulgent things on it?
> 
> Thank you for checking my fic and if ever you wanna, I make update and post WIP on my twitter @Angelscythe !!
> 
> Also, sorry for my english. I'm doing my best but english isn't my first language and english is difficult (plus, I've dislexia)
> 
> Anyway, I wanna you to know that you're awesome!! I support you and wish you all the luck you need on your current project!! It's okay to take break or feel down!! Take care of yourself and those you love!! Stay inside and hydrated!! Wash your hands!!!

Light blue flowers for his brother, white flowers for his father, dark blue flowers his mother… and pink flowers for the Boar… There were other flowers, not cut like his but growing kindly, on this grave. Some people said Dedue had survived and if those flowers you couldn’t find in their natural state in Fódlan weren’t the proof Dedue was alive and taking care of the Bo… of Dimitri beyond the grave, Felix didn’t know what it was…

Kneeling in front of the tombs, Felix looked them without a word.

It was strange…

He was all alone.

What should he do now?

The War was over, they have made a big celebration with every of those who survived it at the Monastery after having stopped Rhea’s crazy rampage. People of the Abyss and of the Monastery had found each other. But that didn’t mean there was no more fight in the territory of Fódlan. Of course there were! Some grounds were abandoned, others were given to people who couldn’t handle them, young Noble had to prove their values and with Garreg Mach becoming the new Capital… without forgetting with the basic ability of a portion of Human to seek to cheat, steal, betray, etc. their neighbors.

Peace didn’t exist.

Felix had the proof in front of his eyes.

His brother, his father, Dimitri… all dead on the Alter of War.

And him… what was he?

He had passed so many years to fear the Boar, the blood on his hands, on his face… his ability to keep smiling and looking like a decent being despite being covered with the life of his opponent. But he was just the same… He had killed the Dead Knight. He had heard Mercedes’ shriek when he had died under his sword. She had forgotten him… He didn’t understand.

He still hadn’t forgotten those who took his family away from him despite not knowing who they were…

“Eh, Felix!”

Felix looked up, seeing a Sylvain joyful who walked toward him. He looked down, his hands pressing on his thighs. At this celebration, he hadn’t missed to notice the girl Sylvain had in his arms. He had seen when he had brought her toward his room. They said the lake, at night, was the most romantic place with the Stars and the Moon reflecting in the calm surface but it wasn’t for Sylvain.

His room was better.

That wasn’t surprising…

What else could you expect from Sylvain?

“I thought you would wait for us,” Sylvain said, kneeling next to him and passing his arm around his shoulders.

“I needed to be alone,” Felix replied.

“Do you need more time alone?” Sylvain asked.

“It is fine,” Felix said.

“Nice! I asked the teacher ab… the teacher? The Archbishop? Or perhaps…”

“Why wouldn’t you say ‘Byleth’ as they asked us?” Ingrid asked, a smile on her lips.

She was holding a bouquet for Dimitri and another one for Glenn. Sylvain hadn’t brought flowers but he didn’t know how to handle that. Usually, the flowers he gave were used against him to slap him… So, since then, he stayed away from flowers when he could.

“Yeah. Okay! So, Byleth said we could take back our domains. There are no frontiers anymore so I don’t know if…”

“If there is no frontier anymore, I prefer letting the care of my domain to people able to deal with it,” Felix said.

Getting up, he pushed away Sylvain’s arm.

“What do you mean?” Ingrid wondered.

“I never wanted to inherit of a dominion. I can’t do that. I’m a Soldier. I’m…” He closed his eyes. “…a Knight…”

“Felix,” Sylvain said, getting up too.

Felix stepped away, making sure he wouldn’t tugged in a hug.

“I refuse to rules a dominion,” he said, opening his eyes. “Especially if there are no frontiers anymore. If someone wants to take care of it, I let them do. I don’t care. This is not a life for me. I will lend my sword to whoever would desire pay for it,” he groaned.

“This is not a life for you,” Sylvain whispered.

“Excuse me?” Felix asked.

“Sylvain, Felix!” Ingrid protested. “Not here!”

They both glanced at the graves. Felix closed his eyes, looking away while Sylvain let out a husky ‘I’m sorry…’

“I’m leaving. Our paths will maybe meet again. In case it isn’t the case, I wish you to live long and happy,” Felix stated.

Ingrid opened her mouth to say ‘don’t leave’ but instead, she hugged him, embracing him fiercely.

“I will miss you so much,” she said.

“Don’t leave…” Sylvain said. He walked toward him. “Please, don’t leave.”

“I give you my Mansion, Sylvain. You don’t have to come back to your parents’. You can live there as long as you want.”

Sylvain watched him and Felix swore it was the first time he saw him cry in years… The last time was when Miklan died, killed by his own hands. He had pushed everybody away except him… He had cried in his arms for so long. Now, hugging him, he was crying again.

They knew…

It was the last time they would see each other.

Their lives would be so different.

There was no chance to see each other again. This wasn’t a goodbye, this was a farewell…


	2. Chapter 1 : Meandering Sword

It was raining outside and the earth had been turned into a mud so wet, it was as if you were constantly walking in quicksand.

Most of people stayed inside in such a weather.

Not him.

He had to cross the country. He had a very important message and it was awaiting to be delivered since way too long…

He entered in the inn on the tiny town, drenched by rain. He approached the barman and asked the question he asked every time. The one that brought him there, little by little, clue by clue.

“Is the Meandering Sword here?” he asked.

“Yeah. You must be a lucky guy,” the barman smiled. “He was about to leave when that rainstorm fell.”

He pointed his big finger toward the window.

Or, to be correct, toward the tiny silhouette just in front of it. Meandering Sword must have a warm beverage in front of them because there was steam floating and caressing his pale cheeks. That was the only thing you could see from the dark coat, with white fur adorning the contour, with the hood pushed on his face. And the face with dark make up spreading over his face. Eyes, lips…

“Thank you,” the messenger said.

He turned totally toward Meandering Sword, walking to him.

“Excuse me, Meandering Sword?”

The man looked up from his soup. Just to see this guy handing him a message that turned wet. He was so drenched, the rain started to come through his clothes and reached the message.

He made a little face.

“I’m sorry, Meandering Sword. This is a message from the Prince of Sreng. He would like to hire you,” he said.

“The Prince of Sreng?” the mercenary repeated.

He had been hired by a lot of different people through Fódlan, commoners who would pay him with a good meal or just one or two coins, or Noble who would cover him with gold. He always adjusted his price in regard of who was hiring him. He wanted to live but he could hunt, and was good at this, so money, a meal, a bed to stay at night, it was perfect.

In fact… sometimes, he preferred a meal, a bed, a shelter from the cold weather, someone washing his clothes to the money.

He was always on the road. What could he do with too many money?

Sreng was very away but…if someone wanted him to fight, if someone could provide him a payment…

Meandering Sword held out his hand to have the paper. It would be his proof to walk through the frontier without having to fight.

Not that it was an unpleasant idea.

“You’re accepting?” the messenger asked with hope.

“Yes. You can warn your master if you want to,” Meandering Sword replied. He glanced by the window. It was like walking under a constant waterfall. “I will come as fast as possible. But not now,” he said.

The messenger looked outside.

Yes, perhaps he should come outside, send back the magpie the Prince had lent him… With such a rainstorm he had let it in a special house for them. Sure he couldn’t send the bird in a cold weather like that…

“Thank you very much, Meandering Sword. He would prepare the payment! Don’t worry. Thank you very much!”

Meandering Sword watched him, frowning.

It seemed that the situation was touchy…

He wasn’t surprised. The last time he heard about Sreng, it was while the War. It was two years ago now and he didn’t know what happened with it… He knew Sylvain José Gautier always cherished the idea of calming the tension between Fódlan and Sreng… He must confess… that was one of the reasons why he accepted this work. He would walk in the heritage of Sylvain.

At this moment, alone with his soup, he wondered what he was doing…

When the rain had stopped, Meandering Sword had left the inn, moved through Fódlan and walked to Sreng. He had accomplished one or two contracts while this travel and, borrowing a horse, he crossed the country in only one week. The hardest part had to pass the frontier. Especially because the message from the Prince was so wet, you couldn’t see the words. The ink had drooled everywhere… Himself had never been able to read the message or discover his writing.

The time had just worsened everything…

But, in the end, he arrived in Sreng. And it was… really cold here. There was sand everywhere and you could expect to be so warm, like in the desert of Duscur or the one of Brigid Petra talked so often about… but it was cold. You didn’t want to stay outside at night because the temperature could go under minus fifty degree Celsius…

The houses were very different here.

First because it was always cold but those unbearable temperature…

Meandering Sword had to buy new clothes to be able to handle that. And it was coming from someone who grew in Faerghus…

In fact, Meandering Sword was eager to arrive at the castle and ask to stay there for the night as a part of the payment. The night was falling…

As he approached the castle, he approached the low town part. And he heard sob. Child sobs…

He remembered how often he could hear them while the War… the market place of Garreg Mach was one of the only places where you would actually hear them laugh happily… It had been one of the things he was happy to have betrayed his own country for. Though… in the letters he sent to his father, there was never question of betrayal. His father was proud because he was serving the Church… Nothing changed that the Dukedom he grew in was filled with cries…

Meandering Sword walked toward that wail…

He wondered if there was a lot of child who stayed trapped outside by this weather?

No one seemed to got interested by them but, on the marketplace, you could see the seller grab as fast as they can what they haven’t sold or finish to sell something to a customer who wanted to come back to their own home before it was too late.

Moving through the stall and the wooden boxes filled with goods, Meandering Sword found a little girl curled in a ball. In her brown and warm clothes, she almost looked like rag. Perhaps that was the reason no one turned toward her? You just could see her face covered with freckles and brown eyes…

“Hello?” he said, crouching in front of her.

She snorted and rubbed her nose that was leaking.

“Are you lost?”

She nodded.

“Do you want me to bring you home?”

She nodded again.

“Do you know where you live?” he asked.

New nod and she held out her finger. What she was pointing was… pretty vague. It looked like being toward the castle?

Well, there were a lot of tiny houses over there. And it was in his way so…

“Here, come,” he said.

He took her in his arms as he got up. She snuggled in his arms, still rubbing her nose. He tugged the hood on her face that turned red because of the cold weather.

Meandering Sword walked with her in his arms and, sometimes, she indicated the way. And then they had to walk back and take another way. No wonder why she got herself lost.

The night was falling. The Sun was casting red and orange colors in the sky as it was vanishing, stealing the warmth of the Capital.

It was so cold, there was no light system at night because holding flames outside asked a lot of magic. And while it was a land of magic, not much of them were able to do it.

The more you approached the castle, the more there were different paths and most of them hadn’t a very well defined. No rocks to lead the way and prevent yourself to sink in the sand. He closed his arms around her a little more, covering her with his own coat.

“We are almost there,” he said.

But he didn’t know if it truly was the case.

She kept showing him direction and they kept losing themselves…

It was turning really dark and cold. Holding her with just one arm, Meandering Sword lifted his arm.

“I will make light, don’t be scared.”

She nodded, her little hands closed around the fabric of his pullover.

Electricity came from his arm and while it was bringing light as the last dots of sunset were disappearing, it wasn’t very helping for the warm…

Meandering Sword could feel that they approached the Castle. He was starting to believe he should go there, ask the Prince to keep her with him tonight and search for her home tomorrow. When it will be less cold and dangerous…

“Lady Aimée?!” a voice echoed in the houses.

“That’s me,” the little girl said, in his arms.

“You are called Aimée?”

He should have asked her name earlier. He wasn’t very good with children. But he wasn’t very good with people in general.

She nodded and pointed the direction of the shout with hope in her big brown eyes.

“Let’s go,” Meandering Sword said.

He walked toward the voices calling.

And suddenly… he heard the woofs and barks of big dogs. He stopped on place, a shiver passing along his shine and making his hair ruffling.

Like a cat.

“Aimée?!”

Wait…

This voice…

“DADDY?!” she shrieked, hurting Meandering Sword’s eardrums.

She turned her head so quickly he believed she would snap her neck but the only thing happening was that the hood fell from her head. And he noticed she had bright red hair…

He couldn’t move anymore.


	3. Home

The barks approached, the voice calling the little girl, Aimée, too and her excitation rose with it.

In a matter of second, a man with a thin beard appeared at the corner of the streets, two big fluffy malamutes by his side. One grey with some brown area and the other white, like a lone wolf. The worry in the voice of the man, then the happiness when he had heard the voice of the little girl replying, changing to a cold anger when he noticed Meandering Sword.

“Put down my daughter immediately or I will shred you in pieces.”

The servants of the Castle were using flames, protecting them as much as they could, to see through the Darkness and they often had to burn the tick fabric soaked with oil. But this man? He had something that couldn’t stop making a powerful orange light, brightening everything around him as the different parts of it were wiggling.

“I was bringing your daughter back to you, Sylvain,” Meandering Sword replied, turning his face toward him.

The dark make up on his face mixing different shade of grey and black as an obscure galaxy was changing his traits, making him disappear in the Night.

But, looking him, his brown eyes shining under the electricity coming from his arm, the man immediately recognized him. His voice, his pale cheeks, the way he glared…

“Fe’,” he sighed. “I am so glad to see you.” He was smiling looking really sincere. “Peach, Bergamot, don’t move,” he said.

Then he walked toward Felix and took his daughter from his arms. Felix stared at the little girl.

She was more or less eight…

“I didn’t expect you that early, to be fair,” Sylvain said.

“You shouldn’t let her alone like that. She could have died if I hadn’t found her on the marketplace. And how the hell were you expecting her later?!” he groaned.

“I talked to you,” Sylvain replied with a smile.

He pressed a kiss on his daughter’s forehead.

“Me?”

“Yes,” he replied.

“You were expecting me?”

“Fe’, you are so smart but you are so stupid. Or should I say… Meandering Sword?”

“Wait a second… You are the Prince of Sreng?”

“Yes! You are my best friend since twenty-four years and you only discover it now?!” Sylvain laughed. “You do know my mother is technically the Queen of Sreng? She still lives with my father so I’m kinda the King in the paper but… Prince makes me look cute,” he said, turning to walk toward the castle. “Peach, Bergamot, home!” he commanded.

“Why haven’t you…”

“Because I asked you to come in my own name four times. You never came,” Sylvain said. “I started to believe you didn’t want to see me.” He looked above his shoulder. “Do you come or I have to accept the fact you don’t want to see me?”

Felix bit his lower lip and walked after him.

“I will pay you, but I also offer you my home and a good meal. It is almost ready. I think you will enjoy the cooking here. We have actual spice and Dedue sent me a bunch of them from Duscur. Yep, I have contact with Dedue. He is fine. I have news from Ingrid too. She is fine. You can be invited to her wedding if you want to, I just have to send her a message. Annie is working at Fhirdiad, she is a teacher. Mercie is working at Garreg Mach, she is not teacher but she is awesome. Ashe sends me letters once in a while. He left in a trip with Caspar. I think he likes him very much,” Sylvain explained.

Did he always talk so much?

Felix wanted to be very annoyed about this but, on the other hand, he really liked hearing his voice. It didn’t matter what he was saying. Having news from the other was a good thing but hearing him talk…

“Ferdie married Constance. Never thought they would be together… They married each other a bit fast so I’m kinda worry… But the Empire was pretty open about all of this…”

“You know I don’t care about gossips?” he said.

“True, true! So you didn’t know Ferdie was crushing hard on Hubert and I heard Constance was in love with Hapi so having them together… Ingrid will marry Yuri, by the way.”

“I see…”

“You’re happy to go to aunt Ingrid’s soon, right, my little treasure?” Sylvain smiled to his daughter.

“Yeeees! Uncle Yuri is cooking so well!!!”

“The stomach at the place of the heart! You are such a delight!” he smiled, rubbing his nose against hers.

She laughed and snuggled in his arms.

“Next time, don’t run away like that, okay, my treasure? I don’t know what I would have done if uncle Felix hadn’t found you.”

“THAT IS UNCLE FELIX?!” she choked in. “Oh Sothis!!!! You are so coooool!” she said to Felix, looking him above her father’s shoulder.

“Wh… what?” he said, lost, seeing the big brown eyes on him.

“Daddy always talks about you! He told so many stories about you!”

“W… why?” Felix asked, even more lost.

“That’s our favorite stories,” Sylvain replied.

“Can you come tell one to me when I will go to bed, uncle Felix?!”

“Pleaaaaase?” father and daughter said on the same time.

“Sylvain I…”

“Pleaaaaaase?” they kept saying as they were walking to the Castle.

They were almost there and it would be time because their fingers and toes were turning very cold. There was no good boots in such a time.

“Yeah, fine. I will do it.”

“Thank you!” the little girl said with a smile.

His shoulder pressed against the threshold, Sylvain listened to Felix as he was telling a story to his daughter. Before taking the meal, Felix had removed his make up and now that he was looking him, Sylvain noticed the difference. His body was thinner, his hair way longer, falling on the top of his scapula despite having them tied in a quick bun. His skin looked paler and his eyes had lost that little gleam.

But he still loved hearing his voice and it was hard to believe he was there.

In his Castle, telling a story to his little daughter that was falling asleep…

He smiled when Felix got up and came to him, doubt in his eyes. Sylvain nodded and took his hand to tug him outside the room. Using magic, he blew all the candle except one, that was hold in glass and couldn’t burn anything but would provide a bit of light at least, then closed slowly the door.

He pressed a finger on his lips and stepped away, bringing Felix with him.

“Thank you,” he said.

“You’re welcome.”

“Eh, come in the living room with me? I will serve us a warm beverage or something and we could talk a bit.”

“I don’t want to talk. Don’t you want to show me my room? Tomorrow, you will tell me what I have to do, you pay me and we’re done.”

“You sure?” Sylvain asked. “It has been two years. You don’t have any question?”

“You talk so much,” Felix said. “You probably had told me everything I need to know.”

“I certainly haven’t,” the redhead protested.

“It’s right. You hadn’t told me why you have that ridicule beard!”

Sylvain laughed.

“First, because it’s cold here and it warms my face. And then! To do that!”

He tugged Felix in, embraced him and rubbed his face against his. Felix tensed, his hair ruffling in surprise, and he tried to push him away but… instead, he passed his arms around his shoulders, his fingers tugging on the red hair… it was warm. It was sending shivers in his spine.

It was so pleasant.

He let out a tiny sound.

Purring… He was purring on delight.

“Okay,” he groaned. “We can have a warm drink.”

“Nice! I like a lot warm wine but the servants do the best hot cocoa ever. I know you don’t like sweet but…”

“Let’s say you take a hot cocoa and I will taste it in your cup,” Felix said, letting him keep rubbing his face against his.

“Okay! I will make you an apple cider! It’s spicy and you will love it!”

“Very well.”

“Go to the living room and don’t run away. I have some question to ask you too,” he said.

Felix nodded, promising he still would be there, and he left for the living room. He knew how to go there because they passed a bit of time there before the meal. It was really good and for him who only ate in inn and tavern, it was a delight.

Some boarding house actually had very tasty food and beverages, establishment he would go as soon as he could, like Raphael’s family’s inn, but it was pretty rare. And there was something different to share a meal in a cold, or lukewarm, inn surrounded with strangers but alone on his side, or being in the warmness of the Gautier’s family. The warmth of Sylvain…

As he sat on the couch, Felix passed his hands over his face. He still could feel the warmth of Sylvain…

He was still caressing his own cheeks when Sylvain came back.

“You okay?” he laughed.

“Yes, yes. It’s your beard,” Felix groaned.

“It’s not that itchy,” he protested.

Felix groaned again.

“The servants will bring the hot beverage soon. And Bergamot and Peach are in my room. You’re still…”

“I’m not afraid of dogs, just… uncomfortable. They are so drooling and… always awaiting for you to be affectionate with them.”

Sylvain sat next to him. “Cats are better? When they want a hug, they impose it to you and don’t you dare say no or they bit you! Dogs are always happy to see you, at least! And they listen to orders!”

“Yeah. Hence why cats are winning.”

“But cats are always knocking down stuff! They are mean!”

“You have to play with dogs,” Felix countered.

“I passed more than fifteen years with you and I saw you playing with cats too often for you to dare use this argument!” Sylvain protested.

Felix had realized he had approached him too much, almost snuggling in his arms. Not that weird for them. Sylvain had already passed hours with his head on his thighs.

But this wasn’t the life he wanted to live…

“Anyway… Aimée… she is eight? Nine?”

“Eight, yes!” Sylvain replied.

“So… You got her with a girl at the Monastery or…”

Sylvain shook his head. His expression was a bit more serious.

“To be honest, she is Miklan’s daughter…”

“Are you sure she is not yours? She looks so much like you,” Felix frowned.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Felix opened his mouth but the redhead immediately cut short. “I never had sex with all those girls and women.”

“What were you doing?” he asked.

“Playing around?” Sylvain shrugged. “But she is not my daughter… by blood. I’m raising her like my daughter since two years and I would fight anyone who would say she isn’t my daughter but… I’m trusting you.”

“Thank you for trusting me that much…” Felix said, not knowing what he had to do with such a powerful sign of affection.

A servant approached with two mugs and he put them down in the coffee table, bowed, and moved away to go back to work. Or perhaps go to rest.

“Can I ask you something, too?” Sylvain said, leaning to take the mugs.

Felix thanked him as he received his cup. It was so warm and yet… less warm than Sylvain’s beard…

“Of course?”

“Why have you refused to see me?”

Felix looked at the clear brown beverage. Spices were swirling on the top.

“Because… you were crying when I left.”

“And…” Sylvain said, frowning.

“If I came, I would have to leave again after,” Felix replied. “I didn’t want to see you cry.”

“Fe’…”

“I remember having seen you cry because of girls, your parents, your brother… You always tried to hide it. And yet, you cried. Because of me. I have sworn myself I wouldn’t make you cry again…”

“You’re cute,” Sylvain replied, putting down the mug on the coffee table. “Come here,” he added, opening his arms.

“I don’t want a hug,” he groaned.

“I do,” Sylvain said.

Felix put down his mug and he took him in his arms. Two seconds. But Sylvain’s arms had already closed around him. Like a trap. A warm and comfortable trap.

“You’re an idiot,” he whispered. “Yes, I cried because not seeing you again was making me mad of sadness but you forgot something…”

“What?” Felix asked, his head in his neck, his cheeks so red.

“You made me smile more often than anyone could have…”

“Sylvain…”

“Don’t run away from me…” he begged.

“Sylvain…” Felix repeated.

He could feel the arms shaking around him while the room was warm. Was he… Felix shivered with fear. Please, Sothis, make that he wasn’t crying… _he_ used to be the crybaby. And while he had fought against his tears for eleven years, not allowing even one to slide from his eyes, he was ready to cry again if that could prevent Sylvain to shed one…

“I wanted to see you again so much… I’m sorry to have tricked you,” he said.

“Do you really need me?” Felix asked.

“Of course,” Sylvain replied. “I always and will always need you…”

Felix felt so tiny, so helpless, in his arms, put in front of such words.

“I don’t want to…”

He couldn’t finish his sentence. He couldn’t tell him _again_ that he didn’t want to see his tears because, suddenly, it looked like an excuse for him to run away. And he couldn’t run away from this embrace. He knew that, if he had said any word, Sylvain would have freed him from this trap but… he couldn’t say anything in this direction.

It felt so good.

So relieving.

So perfect…

Shouldn’t he finish his sentence?

With what?

He was afraid of the words he might said. If he said to Sylvain he didn’t want to leave, he will have to stay here and… he wasn’t sure he could handle it. They have changed so much. And the blood on his hands was just spreading every day a bit more… He didn’t want to…

“…stain you and your family with the blood I’m carrying away.”

Sylvain moved away from him.

Oh…

Felix looked away.

He felt hands on his cheeks. Those hands who held a spear for too long and were still doing it, probably, because the callus on them were scratching his face and not in the delightful way his beard just did before.

“You can’t stain us with this blood. I know this blood lash your hands to protect others. You always had been like that…”

“I don’t think so,” Felix replied.

“And you have been like that for so long.” Sylvain pushed a strand of dark blue hair from the pale face. “If only you can see you how I see you.”

“What do you mean?” Felix tensed. “I’m not a fantasy. I am me! Can you all…”

“I mean _you_ ,” Sylvain cut short. “I always have seen you. Your strength in your weak moment, your weakness in your strong moment. I always stayed next to you despite your harsh words because I was able to read what you meant with them.”

“It’s ridicule,” Felix said, shaking his face, moving away from the hands.

“Do you think?”

“Those are just words you throw to have fun,” Felix protested, getting up. “Don’t you think I don’t know you since the time? How many ladies have you…”

Felix closed his lips when he felt a hand around his wrist, holding him on place.

“No one.”

“It’s wrong,” Felix groaned.

“I had Aimée to take care off and… when you left, I realized this game I was playing with myself could never fill the void you had created.”

“Stop! I’m not like them, I won’t…”

“Why do you think my words are made to trap you? Do you think I want to have sex with you?”

Felix opened his lips and looked away.

Why he thought about that?

Why did he want to jump in his arms, his warmth? He had missed so much his warm, his lovely smile he wanted to see endlessly.

“I don’t want to have sex with you.”

“I know,” Felix mumbled. “But it’s still one of your tricks. So I will stay!”

“You don’t want to have sex with someone you promise your life to,” Sylvain pursued.

His friend looked at him in confusion.

“Do you believe I have promised to anyone else to live until their last breath?”

“No…”

“I hope you hadn’t neither,” Sylvain smiled. “But, Fe’…” He approached him, leaning to press his forehead against his. There was something in his eyes. A pain. Something saying ‘if I have to lose you anyway, this wouldn’t be without a last fight, a last attempt. “I gave you my life… I never regretted it. Today, you are still the reason I am walking. I have wanted to die so often on the battlefield… I have hoped so often for a blow to stop my misery but… there were you. Every time I saw you, I knew for what I fought. I didn’t care about Faerghus or the Church. It was you. You are my reason to live, you are my Deity… You are my flame in the Darkness of my life. You are the Light above an endless well, the hand I want to reach… I don’t want to have sex with you. I want to touch you like no one has before. I want to adore every inch of your body…I want to make you feel the climax of my love, I want to hear you say my name helplessly… I want to hold you in my arms with nothing between us but the love I have for you and… I hope, the one you have for me.”

Felix watched him with widened eyes.

Eyes that hurt him.

It stung…

Why did it sting?

He looked down and saw a tears splashing on Sylvain’s pectorals.

“Felix?! I didn’t want to hurt you, I…”

Felix rose his hands, pressing them against Sylvain’s mouth.

“I didn’t know what to do when the War was over. My father had raised a warrior, nothing more… My hands are made to call blood… I wanted to stay with you. But I saw you with that girl and I realized… staying around you would hurt me. I just wanted to have you all for me. But I couldn’t say it to you without hurting you. I did what I had to do to make you happy and not suffer too much. I refused your missions because I was afraid to hurt you, but I also was afraid to be hurt. I just wanted…”

Felix felt warm on his cheeks. But it wasn’t agreeable.

Tears were streaming along his cheeks. Warm. Stingy.

Another warm replaced them, the warm he craved for. Sylvain’s hands, wiping away the tears.

How did he dare crying in front of Sylvain?

Felix moved down his hands.

“I just wanted to matter in the life of someone for whom _I_ was… I just wanted to matter in _your_ life…”

Sylvain lowered his face, approaching his lips from his. Felix moved toward them sealing the kiss. He had dreamed of this kiss. Finally… Finally, he was the one who received it. The warmth, the tenderness. His first kiss…

Sylvain hugged him, as if he needed to fully touch him to realize… His first love, his only love, finally in his arms, accepting a kiss of his. Every time he had kissed someone, he dreamed for Felix instead… How could it be real? He was so tiny, so precious, so fragile…

“I swear to Sothis,” Felix whispered against his lips. “If this is just a trick of yours, I will make you pay.”

“But I’m _already_ paying for you to be th…”

Felix cut short with his lips against his joking lips. Sylvain smiled and lifted him, replying to his kiss. He immediately felt Felix’s legs around his waist and his arms around his shoulders. An embrace he had dreamed of so often. It was more delightful that he never thought… He kissed him, walking to the stairs that he climbed. Taking them, one by one, lifting Felix and hugging him tenderly, seemed to be… almost natural for him.

He didn’t struggle to carry this body. As if the weight of Felix had always been something he could lift.

All mattered was the fact he could kiss him. The fact he was feeling Felix’s fingers amongst his hair.

It was what he wanted since so long…

He could feel Felix’s hopeless breath against his lips. It was making him feel more desire than he never had before… He never gave himself to those ladies wanting him, making them suffer as he was suffering by their tries of having a Crest Baby. But when you played that game, desire could emerge. But this time… the desire was so pure.

It was Felix.

It was perfect…

Walking along the corridors, he went to his room and pushed it open. Peach and Bergamot woofed happily, waving their tails.

“Ah…” Sylvain said.

Felix closed his arms around Sylvain’s shoulders.

The man commanded to the dogs to go outside and closed the door, hoping they wouldn’t moan too much. As he approached the bed, Sylvain gave him a glare. Should he laid him down or…

“You promised me something, Sylvain José Gautier,” Felix smirked, tugging him into a new kiss.

He couldn’t have enough of those…

He couldn’t have enough of him.

Sylvain kissed him back, laying him on the mattress. His fingers passed in the black hair, untying them.

“Your hair…” he said, making them pass between his fingers. “They are longer.”

“Yes… I…wanted to let them grow until I would meet you again. I believed it would be after my death…”

“I’m here… You can cut them if you want. But I like them long,” he whispered, pressing a kiss in the thread of the mane.

“I’ll see,” Felix replied, looking away, his cheeks a bit too red…

His eyes came back on him, however, to remove the layers of clothes covering Sylvain’s chest. Just as Sylvain imitated him, uncovering his thin body. He could feel Sylvain tracing the scars on his chest… He had so many of them now. And his arms were marked by the usage too excessive of thunder spells…

Felix moved his hand through the red hair adorning Sylvain’s pectoral. He switched a little, pressing his face against his. He saw him smile and he stared, his fingers caressing. He wanted this moment to last forever. The night was long and he could use every second of them to give to Sylvain what he always wished to give him. He had offered him his life, his heart already belonging to him so what was more natural than becoming fully his by letting him discover and possess his body?

“I love you…” he whispered, against his lips.

“I love you,” Sylvain replied, in the dearest bliss Felix never had seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The other's characters ending were all coming from those I actually got in the game for my Church Route!!


	4. Calling the Void

The bed was empty…

When Felix woke up, it was the first thing he noticed… The bed was empty. Sylvain wasn’t there anymore. It created a void that start to eat his organs, his thoughts.

Crap…

What did he do?

Why he had been so stupid.

Believing the words of such a womanizer?

His heart was racing so fast in his chest and for the second time in less than twenty-four hours, he wanted to cry. Yesterday, it was self-hate, a feeling of loss but it was surrounded by joy, happiness to be loved by the only man he wanted to be loved by. But now, it was just despair.

How could he have been so stupid?

He heard a laugh.

Sylvain?

Searching after him, Felix’s eyes hit the tiny paint on the nightstand on the other side of the bed. It was a paint of Aimée, surrounded with toys. It was signed by a certain Ignatz Victor… and next to this tiny paint, there was another one. Felix’s heart skipped a beat. It was… him.

He moved in the mattress to approach it.

Yes… It was him.

It wasn’t something made by Ignatz because it was older. He could swear it came from his house. His father had made a paint of him a bit before entering the Academy of Garreg Mach. He had been the worse those days because he was just so annoyed by that. He didn’t know his father had kept it and now Sylvain?

Felix’s brain seemed to connect with the reality…

Yesterday, the dogs were there.

In Sylvain’s room.

It was Sylvain’s room. It was a place he would come back, of course.

He was in Sylvain’s room. He was feeling his warm in his naked legs.

He still hung to the idea that no one could love him. He had to search the first proof he wasn’t loved and he was facing a lonely life.

He was fine with the loneliness but…

Sometimes, he wanted this warmth.

And Sylvain’s words. Were they true?

He heard the laugh again and got up. By Sylvain’s side of the bed. He noticed one of his vest, laying there. His fingers twitched then he took it and passed it around his shoulders, fastening it. The red fur, coming from big animals pretty common in Sreng, was warming him but the most delightful thing was the smell of Sylvain. He couldn’t define it exactly but he knew it was his favorite perfume in the world…

He tied his hair up with a strand of hair and walked to the window to see Sylvain playing with the two dogs. The big white malamute jumped on him. Sylvain caught them and lifted them but the other dog jumped, making them roll on the cold sand of the garden.

It looked like a dream, the flowers growing around and surrounding Sylvain and the dogs, his laugh.

He had never seen Sylvain that happy.

Purely happy.

He stayed there, watching him until the man disappeared with the dogs. He then closed his eyes and stepped away from the window. It felt so weird…

Where was his weapon?

He sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed his high thighs sock to put them up before looking behind the bed. They have just thrown their clothes away… some of Sylvain’s belonging were mixed with his, and vice-versa. They had so many layers…

_Knock._

“Fe’?”

“Yes?” he replied.

The door opened on Sylvain. Peach, or at least Felix believed the white dog was called Peach, tried to slide in the room.

“No. Sit!” Sylvain commanded.

He slid in the room and closed it so the dogs wouldn’t disturb Felix.

He walked toward Felix and smiled, taking his hand to make him got up and press a kiss on the corner of his lips. Felix closed his eyes, enjoying the kiss, the warmth of his beard softly brushing his face.

“Look at you… You’re so beautiful.” He looked him and hiccupped. “Wait… you’re wearing my vest? That’s so sexy…” he moaned, falling on his knees to press his head against his belly.

Felix approached his fingers from the red hair and caressed them softly.

“You’re such a blessing…”

“You are a blessing, Sylvain,” he said, his fingers caressing the ruffled hair.

“No… You feel good?” the redhead asked.

“Yes…” To be honest, he was feeling pain where he never felt it before, but he was used to suffer and to keep going despite it so it was fine. “I can’t find my sword,” he said.

“Your sword? Like the real one.”

“Yes, Sylvain,” Felix sighed. “The real one.”

“I think…” Sylvain turned his head, looking the room. “Ah! You removed it before telling the story to Aimée! It is in the entry.”

“Very well. Thank you.”

“You need it?”

“Yes. You hired me and I don’t want debts.”

“Okay… When do you want me to pay you?” Sylvain said, getting up.

“I won’t come back to be paid,” Felix replied with a cold and sharp tone.

“Excuse me?”

“Knowing what we did yesterday, I don’t want to receive money.”

Sylvain laughed. “I understand, but it wasn’t in the contract,” he winked.

“I hope so! Still… it doesn’t feel right.”

“So I paid you with my body? I like the sound of that!” he laughed. He leaned on him, hugging him. “But… Fe’, you will come back, right?”

“If you need me, I will,” Felix replied.

“Felix, I thought…”

“I meant every word I said yesterday. But I am a Mercenary. I can’t stay there. It would be too dangerous for you and your little girl. I will send you letter,” he swore. “I will come for some occasion. You can choose them.”

“Every Monday?”

Felix frowned.

“Okay! I could have said every day!” he protested. Sylvain sighed. “I understand you want to leave but…”

“I’m not running away from you, Sylvain.”

“I want you to come back because you have decided it,” the redhead replied.

“You always have been too kind for your own good,” Felix said.

He passed his hands on his hairy cheeks and tugged him into a soft kiss. Sylvain embraced him. He made his best to control his emotions. If he kept smiling, Felix might come back…

And he needed it more than anything…

“I can take the breakfast with you and Aimée,” Felix said. “I can stay a little bit longer.”

Sylvain leaned to kiss him.

“You are my everything, Fe’,” he softly said.

“I care for you. I want your happiness,” Felix swore.

He knew it looked like he refused it, but he couldn’t just stay here, living on him. Changing his whole life.

He wanted to come back. He wanted to send him letters even if there were too little chance for Sylvain being able to send some back to him. And he really hoped Sylvain would hire him again because he couldn’t have enough of him…

Never.

It was so weird… He would never dress that way in his father’s mansion. Rodrigue always wanted him to be in a perfect outfit, you never know what could happen. Most of the time, there were only servants around… At Garreg Mach, you couldn’t wish for doing such a thing. While War, it was the same, you ate on the go, you slept on the floor… And as Meandering Sword, he lived in inn, taverns or others house, he couldn’t do that…

Here, he was still wearing just high tight socks and Sylvain’s vest. And nothing else. It disturbed no one, in contrary, Sylvain was delighted…

Well, to be fair, he put on some underwear.

Just in case.

As they arrived in the dining room, the food had already been installed. A mountain of pancakes had already been devoured by the little Aimée, the two dogs close to her, waiting for something to fall. For Felix, there were eggs, some toasts with cheese or a bit of ham and a coffee. Sylvain had a full plate with puff pastries, eggs, a bit of pancake and what looked like the hot cocoa from yesterday. The same reheated or just a new one. Felix couldn’t help but blushing a little because he remembered why those poor mugs had been abandoned.

Peach and Bergamot woofed and happily came toward Sylvain, and hence Felix. Who stepped backward, his hair ruffled in fear and discomfort.

Sylvain kneeled to press a kiss on each huge fluffy head.

“Uncle Felix!!” Aimée said, her mouth covered with chocolate. “You come next to me?” she asked with a smile.

Felix glanced at Sylvain who got up and passed his arm around Felix’s waist to press a kiss on his cheek.

“Go,” he smiled. “She likes you already!”

Felix wasn’t sure he could easily deal with that but if he could make Sylvain happy. He took his plate, his cutlery and the cup of coffee to come next the little girl who smiled widely to him.

“Do you want a bit of my pancakes?” she asked with a smile.

“I’m fine, thank you,” he said.

“Why are you wearing daddy’s vest?” she asked.

“Your daddy lent it to me,” Felix replied.

And it smelt good, it was making him feel so well…

“Oh!” she let go. “Can you tell me another story tonight, uncle Felix? Please, please, please?”

He shook his head. “I’m leaving after the breakfast.”

“Oh, okay,” she said, moving down her hand to give a bit of pancake to the grey malamute.

Felix tensed immediately. “Sylvain,” he said, between his teeth.

“Aimée, what I said about feeding the dogs while we are eating?” Sylvain lectured. “Bergamot, Peach, heel!”

The two dogs came to him where he commanded ‘down’ and the two just lied at his feet. Felix whispered a ‘thank you’ between his teeth. He will have to deal with the dogs a bit more… But it was making him so uncomfortable, tensing and his hair ruffled as if he was a tiny cat.

“Eh, Fe’, do you still wanna taste the hot cocoa?”

Felix watched the mug that just moved away from his best friend’s lips. His best friend? Perhaps he was his boyfriend now?

He should have asked but he hadn’t…

And now he felt a bit uneasy to do it in front of Sylvain’s daughter. He could have, he was never at loss for words, after all. It wasn’t a little girl who would stop him, Ingrid was a little girl the time he insulted her and so she kicked his ass so hard, he ran crying in Sylvain’s arms. But… it was Sylvain’s daughter.

It was different.

He watched as Sylvain approached him, holding the mug to him. Felix took it to take a sip.

“So?” he smiled.

“It’s fine,” Felix replied.

“If you like it…” Sylvain started.

“Nop. Too sweet. And you won’t force me to stay like that,” he smirked.

Sylvain smiled and turned his head toward his daughter, caressing softly her head adorned with a huge mane. You could see it used to be a bit dirty and it would have needed to cut them but to be fair, she had seen an old paint of Ingrid a bit after joining Sylvain’s house or, to be correct, Rodrigue’s house. It was on one wall, with a portrait of Glenn… And she wanted to be just like her because she looked so cool! After having heard she was her aunt, she refused to have her hair cut and she enjoyed too much to have her hair tied in a braid.

By the by, she turned her head toward her uncle, her eyes shining.

“Uncle Felix?” she asked as he was taking his toast.

The cheese was coming from Gautier ground, the place owning the best cheese and it was a delight. It was the only thing Sylvain still accepted from his past, it seemed. That and… the little girl who was looking him with a bright smile.

“Can I make you a braid?” she asked. “We would have the same!” she said, excited.

Felix stared at her.

“Daddy often does my hair! But I can do yours!”

“I could do her hair while she does yours! Or I can do your hair while you’re doing her!” Sylvain offered.

“Oh!” Her brown eyes started to shine even more. “Yes!!! Please!”

Felix wouldn’t say no to the hands of this beautiful man, this man so precious to his heart, brushing and tying his hair. Having a braid didn’t disturb him.

“I’m fine with that,” Felix replied.

“Yeeees!” Aimée happily said.

Her plate was almost done but she was even happier to end it now.

“Take care, my treasure,” Sylvain said with a little giggle.

But he was truly worry she would swallow badly. The little girl nodded and finished the plate as fast as she could while taking care.

Sylvain smiled tenderly and sipped again. He had just taken his mug with him. And Felix took his slice of bread covered with a mix of ham and egg to push it in his mouth.

“Whadareufoing?!” Sylvain protested.

“Daddy, we can talk the mouth full, now?” Aimée asked in confusion.

“No,” he said after having swallowed a bit. “You can’t talk the mouth full. No one can do it! And thank you, Felix,” he added.

He didn’t need it but it was going right in his heart.

And it was making him smile, cherish his little Felix…

A few hours later, Sylvain had his daughter in his arms while Felix was about to leave for his mission and… who know when he will come back. He had his coat around his shoulders, the hood tucked on his face, his dark make up helping him to disappear in the darkness, a satchel with a few belonging at his shoulders, two swords at his waist and too much knives hide here and there… and a braid made by Sylvain, tied with one of his ribbon.

Red.

Like his hair.

“Thank you for having welcomed me here,” Felix said.

“Don’t forget to come back,” Sylvain replied.

“Please, please, please, uncle Felix!!!”

“I will do my best,” he replied to the little girl.

And to the man he loved so dearly. Too dearly.

“I have this. Thank you to have lent it to me,” Felix said, handing the vest.

“Why wouldn’t you keep it?” Sylvain offered.

Felix held the vest against his heart.

“I have nothing for you,” he whispered.

“You gave me something,” Sylvain winked.

“I will hit you,” Felix threatened.

“Sorry!” the man laughed.

The mercenary put the vest in his shoulder and removed the big black pearl with two little triangles above, making it appears as a cat, adorning his ear and he handed it to Sylvain.

“I have nothing more to give you… Except if you want one of my knives.”

“Later, perhaps,” Sylvain smiled, taking the earring. “Thank you, Fe’. I will cherish it.”

“Uncle Felix, can I kiss you goodbye?” the little girl asked, holding her hands to him.

Felix wasn’t gifted with children but he nodded and stepped toward her, letting her press a kiss on his cheek as she was passing her tiny arms around him.

“Come back soon, please! Thank you for making my daddy happy!”

“Aimée,” Sylvain whispered. He caressed her hair and hugged her softly. Then, he looked at Felix. “Can I kiss you goodbye too?”

Felix nodded.

Sylvain approached him and passed his hand on his cheek, caressing it, brushing the strand that had moved from the braid. He leaned toward him while Felix was on his tiptoe, replying to the kiss. His fingers passed in the red hair, his body approaching his.

Their lips separated.

Too fast.

He was breathing a bit difficulty but… it was good.

He whispered something.

Sylvain leaned toward him.

“What?” he said, smiling tenderly.

He expected a tender ‘I love you’ but, instead, he received a:

“Can you rub your face against me again?” he whispered.

Sylvain smiled. “Here you are,” he said.

He passed his arm around him, embracing him, hugging him, and rubbed his face against him, tickling and caressing him with his beard. Felix closed his eyes, enjoying too much this soft feeling.

He wanted the warmth to swallow him fully.

Fódlan would never feel colder now that he had to leave him…


	5. Breath of life

_ 3 months later _

Lying in his meager bed in a tiny inn at the frontier between the old Faerghus and the old Alliance, Felix couldn’t fall asleep.

This wasn’t new.

He had always struggled to sleep since Glenn died. And a bit after this, his dreams were definitely thrown into a dark Sea of Nightmares because of the Boar, the War… The only time he truly had correctly sleep, in fact, was when he was in Sylvain’s arms, that time…

He had wanted it to happen again. Because a soothing night was a delight, because Sylvain was everything for him, because he truly loved the fact to be in this little family and he missed Sylvain so much… But when he went to the Castle of Sreng’s capital… there was no one.

So he abandoned the idea of seeing Sylvain again.

It had been a vain hope…

But he wanted to see him so much…

He was lying in the bed, waiting for a new mission to arrive. He had stayed here three days and it was perhaps time to move somewhere else and hope he would have more mission. He had to keep his mind busy and, well, while he didn’t need to eat a lot, he needed money to pay a new night in an inn. And his food if he decided not to hunt. The season wasn’t the best for hunting. It was the time they females were giving birth and feeding their babies. It wasn’t the moment to hunt and risk disturbing the peace of nature by killing a mother and then their babies a bit after…

He couldn’t take the risk to end up with a family of baby boars to take care of!

But…

He missed Sylvain so much.

Perhaps Sylvain left for holidays? Or perhaps… he didn’t want to see him, in the end? He didn’t want to think that and he knew he couldn’t reply to his letters so perhaps it was his entire fault?

Felix rolled in the bed and pressed his face against the blue-green vest, passing his fingers in the red fur.

It didn’t smell like Sylvain anymore…

It was so sad…

He was starting to believe he had made a big mistake.

“I miss you so much…” he whispered.

In his office, Sylvain was passing his hand in his hair, rubbing his face with his tired palm as he watched the papers laying on the desk. Some were about the situation of Sreng, other were peace agreement with Byleth, and some were just letters between them, and last but not least… letters from Felix. He had conserved every of them and kept rereading them but… why he had stopped sending some to him one month ago? Did something happen to him? Did Felix didn’t want to talk with him anymore?

He got enough of him?

Was it possible? Because he dealt with him for twenty-five years so he expected him to keep going? How could it change suddenly… Except if the strength of his love had made him doubt of their relationship?

“Daddyyyyyy?”

The door opened and Aimée jumped from Peach, the grey malamute, back and dashed toward her father. She knew she wasn’t allowed there when he worked but when she showed her hand covered with blood, Sylvain couldn’t reproach anything to her. Her tights were shredded and blood came from there too.

“Eh, my little treasure… what happened?” he asked.

He kissed her hand and her knees, to make the pain jump away.

“I was playing with Bergamot and Peach,” she sniffed. “And I felt…”

“I know you love them but I already asked you not to play with them alone,” Sylvain said with a soft tone.

“Yes. They hadn’t jump on me,” she sniffed. “I fell while catching the ball.”

“Aaw…” he said, pressing a kiss on her hand. “Let’s go clean your owies!”

“Thank you…” she sniffed, passing her arms around his neck.

Sylvain got up and walked outside the room, calling the two dogs who followed him, looking worry, ears pushed backward, tail between their legs.

“Daddy… You and aunt Ingrid and uncle Felix, you all are so strong… How can I be all strong too?” she asked.

“You can be all strong differently. You don’t need to fight… I rather prefer you to be all happy and not fighting, my little treasure.”

She closed her hands around his shirt, looking sadder.

Since she was here, she heard so many histories about her father’s friends and it was so often drenched with War, battle…

She wanted to be like the one her father loved!

Especially because she had been away from him for six year and he was always so happy when he was talking about them. Especially her uncle Felix.

She sniffed.

“Daddy…”

“Yeah?” he asked.

Pushed the door of the bathroom, he put her on a stool in there and came on a little chest he opened to remove alcohol and a fabric.

“When uncle Felix will come back?”

Sylvain approached her and knelt, putting a bandage next to her. The two dogs were waiting at the opening of the door.

“I don’t know, my treasure…”

“Will he come back?” she asked with a little tone.

“I don’t know, my treasure…”

“I hope he will come back,” she whispered.

“Yeah… It will hurt you a little but if you’re courageous, we will make a big cake together, okay?”

With a cooker.

Because he wasn’t that good for cooking…

She nodded and pressed her lips together, braving the pain to come because she would be delighted to make a big chocolate cake so her father could have a huge part and being happy!

Another town, another mission, another inn to go in. This one had a food absolutely horrible… He forced himself to eat because if Ingrid would learn he was pushing away food, she would hit him so hard…

And, well, he had to put something in his stomach if he wanted to be able to fight.

He didn’t need to go in big fancy inn but with the money he got lately, he would maybe take a better one. Just to stop having things digging in his back. Or perhaps he would try to go to Raphael’s inn because, at least, it was a good place.

The food there was tasty and, for once, he wanted to take more?

He would try that, yes.

But for now, he was trying to put this lukewarm soup down his throat.

It was disgusting.

“Excuse me, Meandering Sword is here?” a voice asked at the bar.

Felix turned his head toward the guy leaning toward the man on the other side of the bar, washing one of his only glasses.

“Do I look like I care?” he groaned.

“I’m sorry. I will see somewhere else,” he hastily said before pacing backward.

With a bit of chance, he could avoid to have to take something to drink, this time.

As he walked toward the door, Felix got up.

“Are you searching Meandering Sword?”

“Yes!” The guy quickly walked toward him. “Do you know where they are?”

“What do you want to them?” Felix asked.

The guy pushed his hand down in his pocket and grabbed a paper folded in eight and ruffled.

“I need to give them that! I’ve been searching him for days… I’m so exhausted… Can I?” he asked, showing the chair.

Felix nodded and, appall, he watched him crush in the seat, grabbed the bowl and started to slurp the soup.

“Very well…” he groaned.

“The Prince will be so angry, I’m taking so much time. But this guy is just a shadow and…”

“The Prince?” Felix cut short. “What Prince?”

“The Prince of Sreng, he…”

“Give me that letter, now,” he pressed. “I am Meandering Sword.”

“How do I know?” he asked.

“You are eating my food so at this point, who cares? Give me my letter or I stab you.”

The guy hiccupped and handed him the letter. Felix snatched it and quickly opened it. He was too eager and hated than anyone would see it but this guy will more likely not see him ever again…

The words under his eyes.

A bit difficult to read being crumpled and folded, and a bit wet. The weather was warmer but rain will still happen out of the blue and there was so many risks to end up… with wet paper in your pocket.

But those were Sylvain’s words.

He was asking him to come to the Capital to help him with a bunch of bandits. He couldn’t help smiling. Sylvain certainly not needed him. At least… not for eradicating the bandits.

He was asking him to come.

He hadn’t forgotten him…

He squeezed his hand on his satchel, from where a bit of the vest was topping.

“You can finish this soup if you want to, I already have paid it,” he said before leaving the inn.

He had to rent a horse… or perhaps buy one? It might be useful in the weeks, months, to come…

He hoped.

What an idiot.

He had forgotten how cold it was there. And he arrived in the middle of the night. The Moon shining in the dark veil, the Stars dancing around, was the only thing bringing him a bit of light.

While he was walking, there was no one.

The horse he had bought was shivering. He had taken out his coat to put it on the beast and hope this would allow her to stay alive. He was the one who forced her to deal with such a bad weather… Of course… Felix was shivering too. He had taken Sylvain’s vest to put it around his shoulders. With the warmth of the special fabric, thanks to a kind of rabbit living in deep burrow, it was easier to face the cold but… not bearable anyway.

There was not a soul, not even a single brave cat, in the streets. You couldn’t hear any animals while there usually were in the old Faerghus, and the other parts of Fódlan. You couldn’t see even bats coming outside, or birds, while they were starting to do it on this time usually…

It was really…

A void.

A perfect cold.

This wasn’t a welcoming place. This place promised you to swallow you all and to let just a corpse of you.

It was turning so cold. If Felix stopped to move, he was afraid the coldness would ravish him and change him into an ice statue.

He was only wearing mittens and so the edge of his fingers were offered to this frozen bite. Especially those around the horse’s rein. They were red. So cold… Breathing was hard. He had the feeling he was swallowing a million of little needle.

He should have stopped for the night earlier but he had forgotten and now the Castle was so close. He wanted to see Sylvain so dearly… And… to be honest, no one would open their door to a stranger at this time of the night. It was too dangerous.

Some would do it, of course, altruist and kind-hearted.

But it was a roulette Felix wasn’t ready to play.

It might make him loose a time too precious…

The horse was protesting, whining, bristling. Felix forced her to follow him.

Soon…

It was hard to climb the slope leading to the castle. But when he arrived in front of it, Felix crossed the big court, shivering even more… He stopped to slam his fist against the huge wooden door. He had the feeling his hand will fall down… but he kept slamming. It was so late… Was someone still up?

He was shivering more and more.

The horse let out a sound so frightening. As if a banshee had been unleashed.

They needed to get inside.

Felix hesitated to remove the vest and put it on the poor horse. He had already given so many of his clothes to her. If he removed one more…

His hand shivering, he raised it to slam again against the door. When this one opened. The servant, her hair ruffled and night clothes covering her buff body, dodged just on time. Her eyes, loaded with anger and revolt immediately lost it when she recognized the brown eyes, the gaunt face of Felix.

“Duke Fraldarius! Come in, come in,” she pressed. “The horse too.”

She tugged Felix inside before he could protest against anything and the horse was forced in too. The door closed and the cold of outside was immediately refused in the castle.

The servant forced Felix to move after her. They were just in the living room, with the huge stairs snaking to the upper floor, that she yelled after her Prince, calling him.

“Don’t sit down yet,” she said to Felix, seeing him starting the gesture next to the couch. “Move. Keep moving,” she commanded.

Felix’s teeth were hitting each other but, his body was shivering so much and his legs could barely allow him to stand but he kept moving, rubbing his hands against his arms.

“Very well. I will heat you some soup after. How have you been stupid enough to stay outside?!”

Felix groaned. “I’m not from here,” he reminded.

“You still can talk, you are saved,” she smirked. “PRINCE SYLVAIN!” she yelled.

Barks replied first and two big and fluffy, though still a bit asleep, dogs appeared above the stairs.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming…” Sylvain yawned.

He was used to have to react in a heartbeat, even in the middle of the night. While he had losing it a bit, you noticed he was still ready… the big shining weapon at his hand despite the yawn and the slow walk was a proof of it.

And the second proof…

“Felix?!”

Suddenly, he dashed in the stairs, not stumbling on anything.

“This idiot was outside!” the servant said.

The Lance of Ruin fell on the floor in a heavy sound as Sylvain let go of it to grab Felix and tug him in his arms.

“Here, I got you,” Sylvain said.

It was so warm. Felix leaned in the embrace, his fingers moving to pass in the red ruffled hair. Not only because he craved it but because he searched more warmth.

“Don’t close your eyes,” the servant said.

“Yeah. Resist a bit again. Cunégonde, bring blankets.”

“Yes. And a soup,” she said as she walked away. “Gonna bring his horse with the others,” she added. “He is such an idiot! He is lucky to be pretty!”

“Cunégonde!” Sylvain groaned, his arms closing around Felix.

The tiny man was breathing slowly in his neck. His cheeks were completely red…

“She is right, though…”

“I’m pretty?” Felix asked with a husky voice.

“You are very pretty, of course,” Sylvain smiled kindly. “But you are a bit dumb. Why have you done that?” he asked.

Felix moved down his hands to grab the precious paper he still had in his pocket. He handed it to Sylvain who frowned.

“Yes, I’m hiring you but… I don’t mean you to come at the right second and risk your life!”

“I just… wanted to see you,” he confessed. “I couldn’t wait one more day…”

“Fe’…”

He pressed a kiss on his forehead and hugged him more. Felix slid his hand in the red hair, once again, breathing a bit more easily but still.

“You could have come earlier… You didn’t need to wait for me,” he whispered.

“I tried to come!” Felix protested.

Sylvain noticed he wasn’t too cold to be angry.

“There was no one!”

“When did you come?” Sylvain wondered, surprised.

“One month and half ago?”

“Fe’…”

“What?” he groaned.

“It was around Ingrid’s wedding. We left to see her and we stayed a bit…” He knelt, still holding him, and watched him with worries in his eyes. “You don’t have believed…”

Felix looked away. “I needed to see you, that’s all. Now I’m here and I need a blanket or something.”

“I will make pour a nice bath for you but I prefer warming you myself a bit more,” he said, getting up again to cradle him with his warmth.

Felix snuggled in his arms, without a word. He couldn’t feel how he was worry to have been discarded. To have lost him…

He couldn’t say how much he needed him.

“I see you still have my vest,” Sylvain smiled tenderly, rubbing his back.

“Yeah… I see you don’t wear any vest,” he replied.

“I was sleeping, sorry,” Sylvain laughed.

“You’re excused,” Felix said, without watching him. He looked down, searching the strength to tell him… It was so easy so why was it so difficult? “I will need a new one.”

“A new vest? Yeah, you’re not heavily covered. We will find you clothes.”

“It… it doesn’t have your smell anymore.”

Sylvain watched him with even more surprise.

“I would like one still smelling like you,” Felix mumbled, still not looking at him.

Sylvain gently cupped his face, raising it and leaned to kiss him. “For Sothis’ sake, I love you so much,” he whispered.

Felix blushed and snuggled in his arms, kissing him back.

The warmth was spreading in his body. Better than any soup would be ever able to do. His fingers closed around the hair and when their lips grew apart, he struggled to breath normally.

Which Sylvain noticed. He pressed his hand on his forehead.

“I don’t think you will be able to see if I have fever or not,” Felix smirked.

He was so cold.

“Yay…”

“I’m fine,” Felix added.

“I’m glad you are here,” Sylvain replied. “If something had happened to you, I…”

“I’m here,” the mercenary replied, shaking his head.

“Yes.” Sylvain embraced him even more, tightening his arms around him as if his life depended of it. “I don’t know if I will let you ever leave…”

Felix pressed his ear against the heart beating so fast. Beating only for him…

Peach rubbed her head against Felix, waving happily her tail and Felix stepped quickly away, his eyes widening.

“Peach…”

“Isn’t it Bergamot?” Felix asked, pacing away.

“I still know the names of my dogs,” he smiled. “Peach is the grey and Bergamot the white one.”

“Why dogs?” Felix asked, making a face.

“My girl, I’m taking care of you after,” Sylvain swore, hugging his dog.

Perhaps a bad idea because Bergamot approached to get hugs too.

Felix watched Sylvain, closing his arms around himself, pressing the warm vest of the man around his body. Seeing him happy, taking care of one dog then the other… It was strange but… the image of Sylvain’s smile never left his mind. No matter what might have happened, no matter how many years had passed…

“I love dogs,” Sylvain said, “to reply to your question. They became a member of the family a bit after coming here. The Castle was almost abandoned and their mother was living in the cellar. She wasn’t eating much and she was in such a poor state. When she gave birth, she…”

Sylvain tensed and glanced at Felix.

Felix, who lost his mother the day he was born, because she was too weak to give him birth and preserve his life rather than her, smirked.

“She died, giving them birth?”

“Yes… There were five puppies… despite all my efforts, only those two survived. But they are the best,” he said, hugging the dogs. “I always wanted to have dogs… I just didn’t believe I could do that well.”

“It is quite evident that you are doing it right,” Felix said. “They seem to love you much.”

“They do,” Sylvain smiled. “And they love Aimée so much!”

Felix watched him, still hugging himself, rubbing his arms in the hope he would manage to warm himself.

He opened his mouth… and Cunégonde came from the open door.

“Here are your blankets and your soup! And you are lucky…”

“To be pretty, I know,” Felix groaned.

“To be the very special guest of the Prince or I would have beat the shit out of you for having been so stupid! Staying outside by those temperatures!”

“Yes, he has understood,” Sylvain said. He had been worried but the argument of Felix… How could he be angry against him? “Can you pour a bath for him before you’re heading back to bed?” he asked to her.

He joined his hands together with a smile.

She groaned and stepped away. “I will prepare him _the room_ so you can go there whenever you want,” she said.

Felix stared them. Then he sat on the couch and rolled himself in the blankets. The soup was steaming next to him and it was liberating such a delicious smell…

“Have you already tried to hit on her?”

“Cunégonde?! Never! I was too afraid!!” Sylvain laughed. “The only time I told her she was damn pretty, she hit me with a pan!” He caressed Peach. “She is doing a great job, though. And, well, when I arrived here, I had already Aimée. I couldn’t do that to her… nor to you,” he whispered.

Felix looked down, his fingers still shaking a little as he was gripping the blankets.

They could hear the sound of a horse moving and the lady lecturing the horse refusing to follow her. She was bringing the mare to an inner stable, probably.

“How Aimée arrived in your life?”

“Just a bit before going to your Mansion,” Sylvain whispered.

He walked toward the sofa, sitting next to Felix and taking him in his arms despite the blankets covering him so much, he seemed to disappear into it. You could only see his face appear and he wanted to kiss it…

“Short story? Her mother believed I was Miklan.”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s fine. It was just…” He laughed. “It was bit after you had left and that girl came, not much older than you at the time, ant slapped me hard. I was like ‘okay I probably deserved it but why?’ the girl started to insult me, saying to me I had a one-night stand with her. It was weird because, as I told you, I never get laid with those girls. The only one that managed to get everything from me like that, that’s the pretty boy at my right. I’m talking about you,” he said with a wink. “The girl started to say she was loving me and I played her? Legit, could have been me. She said I had ruined her life and her reputation. Legit, could have been me. She said I was an asshole, selfish and others shits. Ingrid would say ‘Legit, could have been you’, in my case I’m just used to get insulted. And then… she started to talk about Crest Baby… How she hoped she would have a baby with a Crest but I had been useless and… I…”

“Sylvain…”

Sylvain took his head in his hands. Felix unrolled the blankets to pass them around him, around them, and hugged him, pressing kisses on his face where he could reach it.

The two dogs had approached too, coming in the middle of this story, pressing their big heads against him. Felix was a bit tense, but he let them do. The more affection Sylvain could have, the better it was…

“I thought… Perhaps it’s me? And a Crestless baby had been… thrown away because of me?”

“Thrown away?” Felix repeated. “She hadn’t presented Aimée to you?”

Sylvain shook his head. “No, Fe’. She wanted reparation. Because she was impure, because she couldn’t expect an important Noble to love her, because her parents refused to give dowry to anyone… I had to pay her. Because she had a child seven years ago and she wanted reparation. I was… I was in shock.”

Felix brushed the fingers closed around the red locks, not wanting him to hurt himself…

It was more than understandable that he was in such a state but he wouldn’t allow him to hurt himself more than he used to by the past.

“Reparation… She wanted reparation… But… I… Goddess! I don’t even know what was the worst? When she called me Miklan or… No, no, I know. I was in shock when she called me Miklan but way more when she told me that she had thrown away the child. She couldn’t bother herself with a baby, a mouth to feed, especially if they hadn’t a Crest. So, after having insulted the girl, received a slap and put her outside, I started to search for the child. She was in an orphanage… she hadn’t a name because she was born… uh probably a bit after Miklan’s death? And she had been thrown away around the start of the War… Not the real one but when everybody could sense it…”

Felix pressed a kiss on his forehead, his fingers rubbing his shoulder.

“Dorothea said it wasn’t surprising though. Aimée had been found, ended up in an orphanage and when the War started, they didn’t give her a name… Doing it would bring the risk to get attached to them. And in those times, there were so many deaths… When they hadn’t the money to provide medicine, they should stop trying, they should prevent those who would survive. Dorothea said they were giving random name at her orphanage… In such a way that they ended up with four Pierre at a moment… When I arrived in the orphanage where she was… Goddess, I couldn’t have not recognized her…”

Felix could only nod. It had been the same for him. At the second he saw her hair…

“When I came to them to bring her out of this hell, I… I didn’t know what I should have to tell? I was her uncle? I had killed her father? My brother… I was just… And this lady approached me and said ‘do you want to become a parent or make a donation’. It was… so relieving? I could just say I wanted to become her father… I know… in a few years, she will believe I had abandoned her but…”

“It won’t happen,” Felix cut short. “You are a good man. And you will tell her the truth: you didn’t know she existed before and you moved heaven and earth to find her. You have a pure heart, Sylvain José Gautier… You hadn’t to do it and yet, you…”

“I had to,” Sylvain cut short. “I… A baby was thrown away because she hadn’t a Crest?! And… Goddess, I know I killed Miklan but he was a Beast, a Monster, he… He was my brother foremost. Somewhat, I still had affection for him and I always thought… if he was born with a Crest and I…”

“You wouldn’t have turned into a bad man. You are too precious for that,” Felix replied.

“Now. Because I lived what I lived. But I could have been different. You could have hated me… I understand Miklan was so angry against me… but I would have wanted him to see how much I have suffered. I would have wanted him to hug me and… not for throwing me in a well?!”

Felix noticed he was struggling against his tears. He took his hands, forcing them down and brought him against his chest. Sylvain snuggled his face against him, his fingers closing around the cold clothes of Felix.

“I had to… I wanted the World to change… Crest should have… You know, one of the reasons why I have left Fódlan, except because it was reminding you to me… is because of that Crest bullshit. I couldn’t raise Aimée in there… I want her to know she is worthy, every second of her life. That’s also the reason I called her that way… Here, ‘Aimée’ means ‘Loved’…”

Felix pressed a kiss in his hair.

“I know you are doubting it, Sylvain. But you are precious. Every word you say, every gesture of your… they are good. And you stopping skirt-chasing, it was the only thing to make you perfect…”

“I doubt that,” Sylvain said. He straightened to look at him in the eyes. “I see the perfection there and I don’t reach his ankle.”

“Don’t be silly,” Felix groaned.

“I’m not silly,” he replied. “I’m in love,” he said, kissing his knuckles.

“Yeah, that’s a synonym,” Felix mumbled, looking away.

Sylvain smiled. “You should take your soup and then a bath. This will end warming you.”

“Sylvain… Would you take it with me?” he asked, without watching him.

“For you, Felix, everything in the World.”

“Are you sure?”

This time, Felix watched him. He knew… he knew how Sylvain had been deeply marked by his past. A hug throwing him in a well and making him worry for close space, dark space, water… Too many abuse from someone he trusted bringing him on the edge, making him shiver in front of well when he had to drag water from it, making him panic when he had to walk through a maze lost in the caverns, that prevent him from doing something as banal as taking a bath…

He would always take a shower or throw water on his body before washing himself and throwing water on his body again. Perhaps washing himself in a shallow stream. Nothing more.

“Yes. It’s you,” Sylvain said.

Felix still wouldn’t force him, if ever…

He drank his soup, chatting with Sylvain, making dance away what could upset them. He drank while being cuddled in his strong arms. Talking about Sreng, talking about the Mercenary’s job, talking about Aimée, Ingrid, the others Sylvain had news about. What mattered being together. Talking…

Making time shorten and stretch at once because it was what time did when they were together…

When Felix was done with his soup, he felt really better. Morally and physically. But the clothes were still cold and removing them and totally warm himself was more than welcome. Sylvain watched him as he got up and followed his lead. Then, he led him toward the bathroom. The biggest one. The water there was steaming. The water was always hot thanks to a spell thrown at the bath itself, created in the floor of the room…

It was the prettiest bathroom, and they had seven, the one that made you feel like a Prince and Sylvain hated it. But it was perfect for Felix. Because… watching him undo his hair, remove his clothes and then walk toward the edge, climb down the little stairs in the hot water with a soft smell coming from him. He watched the long black waterfall being Felix’s only clothes, he watched the curves only offered to him, the scars spreading over the so white skin…

It was like a paint.

A living paint.

And when Felix glanced at him, half in the warm water, Sylvain’s heart stopped for two longs seconds.

Then, he removed his pant and his underwear, approaching the hand held to him.

“I won’t hurt you,” Felix swore.

“I know,” Sylvain replied.

Felix smiled to him. A soft smile that warmed Sylvain as he came to the bath, letting the water brush his skin. He approached him, his other hand cupping the thin cheek. There, his Felix looked even tinier and yet… yet he was truly his whole universe. His sole anchorage point.

“I’m trusting you,” he whispered, his lips brushing his lips. “And… if I am wrong, then dying by your hand would only be a blessing. You, being the only thing I will see…”

“I swear, I will be the last thing you will see. But not now, not here… I want to pass a whole life by your side, first.”

“That means… you will stay?” Sylvain softly asked.

“I still have my mercenary work. But I will come back. Often. And if you miss me… you can just hire me more.”

“I will hire you. Again.” He kissed his neck. “And again.” He kissed it again. “And again…” He moved his hand along his thigh, caressing it. “Can I pay you like the last time?” he asked at his ear.

Felix shivered in his arms. And shook his head.

“I don’t want it as a payment. I just want you.”

“Now?” Sylvain asked.

“Whenever you feel ready,” he whispered against his ear.

He couldn’t help smiling when he saw the earring on the hole.

“Perhaps you will make me love water,” Sylvain said, sucking the thin skin of his neck.

And making him sat in the water because Felix needed that warmth. But the warmth of the water was nothing in comparison of the warmth of the man hugging him and covering him with love.


	6. Half-word

He was there…

He was just there, rolling against him like a little cat… Sylvain smiled, passing his fingers in the long dark blue hair. He couldn’t help smiling even more when he saw the little hickeys he had laid on his thin body.

Himself, he had those marks on his muscles while his back was covered with scars, nails digging in his flesh.

And, for once, he loved it.

It was Felix’s marks of love…

Sylvain leaned on him to kiss his lips when he heard moans and scratches from the other side of the door.

“Ah…” Sylvain kissed the lips anyway, but quickly. “Well, sleep tight, my kitty,” he whispered.

“Sylvain…” Felix moaned.

“I’m coming back,” he said.

He pressed a kiss just on the edge of his nose, letting his fingers slid in the hair, pretty rough because of the lack of care, and got up from the bed. He grabbed his clothes, putting on underwear, very warm pants, high boots with fluffy edge and a shirt then, above it a pullover. He could have put on his vest but… he preferred to let it to Felix.

He walked to the door and opened to the two dogs who jumped on him. He grabbed them, almost falling. He laughed and hugged them, pressing a kiss on the forehead of the two of them, caressing the very heavy fur.

He closed the door behind him.

“My girls, I’m sorry you hadn’t been invited in the room yesterday again…”

They both woofed, waving their tails. Sylvain smiled, glad they weren’t holding it against him.

“Let’s go to the garden!”

The two dogs knew that command very well, or more likely ‘to the garden’. Their favorite command was ‘hugs’ which meant they had to jump on Sylvain for a big hug but they knew the basics. And for a very protective daddy that had been raised in a War time, yes, they knew ‘attack’ too. They weren’t the best kind of dogs for that but knowing they were weighing forty-five kilos. Each.

So, the two dogs dashed to the stairs and climbed them down with a huge sound, the wood cracking a little. The Castle was old and Sylvain hadn’t managed to bring everything to what it was before his mother left the country. It was thirty-five years ago and the legend said it killed his grandparents. Probably because his aunt did the same on the same time and they mixed their blood to Fódlan, throwing Sreng to the wolves… Or to the lions. It had been the opportunity his father searched to offer something to the King and being loved by him. It had been one of the worst move because the rebellions came from there…

Sylvain himself struggled because… how could he show he was a Prince worthy?

At least, when he arrived here, his gene quickly took back their right and under the Sun of Sreng, his skin lost its hopeless white color, turning into a soft clear moka, making his freckles appear even more than before in a constellation of red and brown…

“Daddy?”

Sylvain was about to climb down the stairs and join the dogs whom certainly waited impatiently in front of the door. But when he heard his daughter, he could only turn his head toward her.

“Eh, my little treasure!”

She was rubbing her eyes, still wearing her pajama: a purple dress with an unicorn above a pant.

He held out his arms to her and she dashed to him, still holding her plush, a little lion cub offered by her favorite auntie, and jumped in his arms. He hugged her and pressed kisses on her cheeks.

“How have been the night?”

“Hmmm…” she moaned. “There were a lot of sounds… ‘Gonde had yelled?” she asked.

“Uh, yeah.”

“It was so scaring…”

“And you didn’t come to see me?” He caressed her hairs. “You’re a brave little girl. But you know that, if you need it…”

She nodded, her face looking full of concentration.

In fact, he wasn’t surprised because… when she was in the orphanage, you couldn’t come to cry about nightmare or weird sound that way. She had been raised in a War time and screams, hammering against door and fear were her lullabies.

But he didn’t want her to live in the fear…

“In fact… Uncle Felix is arrived in the mid of the night,” he said.

“Uncle Felix is here?!” she asked, stars in her eyes.

“Yay!”

“That wasn’t frightening then!”

“That wasn’t at all!” he smiled.

“I’m so happy!!! Will he be there for my birthday?” she excitedly asked.

“Why wouldn’t you ask him?”

“Okay!”

She jumped from his arms and dashed to her father’s door, knocking.

“Not no…” Sylvain couldn’t help smiling softly. “Okay… why not now.”

He hesitated if he should stay there to check on it or not?

The dogs were waiting for him and he trusted Felix… But he waited. Just a bit, as his daughter entered the room.

“Uncle Felix, uncle Felix!”

Aimée dashed to the bed.

Felix’s hand searched for his knife at the second he was awakened in a jolt by something crashing on the mattress and then jumping on him. But there was no knife. He hadn’t the time to wonder where he had put it that he saw a very bright mane.

“Uncle Felix!”

And received a hug.

He really needed his knife there.

Okay, not really. He wouldn’t hurt the little treasure of _his_ dearest treasure.

“Aimée?”

“Hello, uncle Felix!”

“You’ve cut your hair,” he noticed.

“Yes! I saw auntie Ingrid for her wedding, and she was soooo pretty! But her hair was shorter! I thought about having them long like you and uncle Yuri or Ashe but auntie Ingrid was sooooo pretty!” She leaned toward him. “I wanted to have the bouquet but daddy got it!”

“I see,” Felix said.

“I’m so happy you’re here, uncle Felix!” she hugged him. “Oh, have you met my plush? I called him Dima! Like uncle Dimitri!”

Felix frowned, looking at the plush.

He always had regretted that Dimitri was dead and he hadn’t been able to erase the past between them but his face covered with blood still haunted his nightmare so… He could stop to call him ‘Boar’ in public and respect him without being able to pass the turmoil he was making him feel.

“That’s great,” he managed to say.

He wasn’t even sure she had heard him. She was like her father. She kept babbling.

“Will you come to my birthday?” she asked with hope in her little face.

He watched her. “Your birthday? When is it?”

“In one week!” she said.

“Well… yes,” he replied. “I will be there.”

“You will?! You swear?”

Felix nodded. “I swear. I will have to leave later this day, because your daddy wants me to do something for him. But I will come back.”

“Oki doki,” she said.

She starred at the hickeys on his body and he covered the one on his neck, as if hiding things there was the most normal.

In fact, yes…

Because technically, it was what his father would look. But he was dead since so long now…

“Say, uncle Felix…”

She pouted and he frowned. He preferred to move away from her, still under the cover and leaned to grab Sylvain’s vest, putting it around his body. He couldn’t stop himself from smelling it.

He didn’t notice Aimée’s smile.

“You love daddy very very much, yes?”

“Hm,” Felix replied.

“You always smile when daddy is there! And you two smooch!”

“Aimée…”

She joined her hands together.

“What?” he asked, getting up from the bed.

“Can I call you ‘papa’?!”

Felix choked with his saliva. “What?! What are you saying?!”

“At school, others child have their daddies or mommies who kiss each other, or hug… or are happy all together…” She looked down. “If you don’t want to be my papa… can you make daddy happy always?”

Felix walked to the side of the bed, sitting next to her and grabbing his stirrup high tights sock to put them.

“Listen…” he said, tugged the left one up. Perhaps he shouldn’t use adult words… but he wasn’t the kind to use childish language just to be at the level of a child. In his opinion, any child would grow better if they talked to them correctly. Look at him! “I don’t know about your friends and their family. What I feel for your father… the relation I have with your father… What I mean is…”

“You love daddy!”

“Yes,” he said, pulling the other sock up.

“Why you don’t stay?” she asked, her eyes shining.

“It’s difficult,” he replied.

It was hard to love Sylvain. It was hard to have this happiness, this warmth in his heart. It didn’t look normal…

He was so afraid to see it turn his back to him.

If Sylvain got bored or…

He wasn’t that brave. When he was afraid about something… he couldn’t fight it. And this bliss he felt with Sylvain, this pure happiness… he had the feeling it will slip between his fingers. He wanted to keep those moments in his mind and he wanted to make it last as long as possible…

Felix got up and walked to the window.

He smiled when he saw Sylvain outside, playing with the dog.

He wanted to make it last until his very last breath…

“You should go play with your father,” Felix said. “I have to prepare myself for the mission.”

“You come eat with us?” she asked with hope.

Felix wanted to stay with Sylvain as much as he could…

“Yes, of course,” he replied.

“Thank you!” she smiled.

She jumped on the floor, wanted to hug him but saw he was looking at the window. He didn’t even look like he was noticing her. So she dashed outside, happy that her daddy had another daddy just for him. Though she really wanted to be hugged and receive kisses on her forehead by Felix too. When you have craved for love, the more you could get, the best it was.

And this was valid for her.

For her daddy.

And for the one she hopped being her papa, one day…


	7. Be here, stay here

“He said he would be there… he swore it.”

“I know, I know. But it’s just the morning and uncle Felix has still time to arrive!” Sylvain cheered kindly.

He was smiling at his daughter, caressing her hair but, inside, he was frightened.

This mission was easy. He really just wanted to see him… so how the hell he managed to stay there for six days? Seven now… Felix should have been back already and… he wasn’t. Why Felix wasn’t there?

It was Aimée’s birthday, she turned nine and he swore to himself she would always have beautiful birthday’s party. Because his parents never cared. Because no one ever cared… He was perhaps doing this for him. Or perhaps it was because no one cared for her for six years and it has to change?

It was Aimée’s birthday, he should be here, making the day awesome but… all he wanted was to run outside and search Felix…

What should he do?

Felix was so important but Aimée was his daughter. But Felix was Felix…

He had the feeling Felix was alive because… because it was ridicule, perhaps, but he knew how much the promise was living within him. He couldn’t live if Felix was dead. So he was alive. But that didn’t mean he was in a good shape.

It was Felix…

“Listen, my treasure,” he said.

She looked up at him. She didn’t like his tone.

“Yes?”

“I will go see where uncle Felix is. I will come back soon, okay?”

She bit her lower lips.

She was afraid of this kind of promise because… if uncle Felix had lied?

And her father, Felix and the servants were almost the only people who would be there at her birthday. Sreng was too cold, people too busy to make such a journey for a birthday. For the ninth birthday of a little girl. Fódlan was still in a poor state, Ingrid struggled with her grounds and if she left… Annette and Mercedes were asked at their workplace, they couldn’t leave just like that. Ashe and Caspar wouldn’t get the message in time, Ferdinand and Constance had to prove their values, especially after having almost or totally lost their title, their grounds. It was the same for Lorenz, with Marianne by his side, even though he hadn’t lost his title.

They just couldn’t leave like that.

Sylvain understood, he had explained it to his daughter and he wasn’t sure she had understood.

Presents were there, but people…

So, yes, the little girl wanted to say ‘promise?’ but she was afraid.

Sylvain got up from his chair and approached her. He kissed her forehead.

“I’m coming back,” he said. “I love you, more than anything in the World.”

She shook her head with a smile. “I love you, daddy. But I know you love someone more than me. It’s fine! I love uncle Felix too very much!”

“You are becoming very mature for a little nine years girl and I’m not sure I like that!”

He bumped his finger on her nose. He smiled and crouched in front of her.

“I love you, my treasure. You are blessing my life. You will always be my favorite girl,” he swore.

She hugged him. “Please, please, please, come back quick,” she whispered.

“I will.”

He pressed a kiss on her forehead and moved away. He asked Cunégonde to take care of his daughter and keep her busy, perhaps by asking her to help to do her own birthday cake? He quickly went in his room, grabbed a knife and then he walked to the door, calling his dogs.

Peach and Bergamot immediately dashed to him. At first, their tails were waving, happily then, they saw his austere look. They calmed, looking Noble, ready to do anything he would need.

Sylvain took his coat, putting it, and knelt in front of the two malamutes.

“This belongs to Felix… find him, please,” he said, letting them sniff the handle of the knife.

When they both had done it, Sylvain got up and walked to the door, opening it.

Peach and Bergamot barked with pride.

In front of them, there was a hiccupping young man, fist raised to hammer at the door, who had jumped away. There were traces of blood on his face, on his clothes, the hair struggling to be hold but, Sylvain noticed, with the ribbon he gave him a few months ago.

“Felix!”

Sylvain tugged him into a hug.

The malamutes woofed around them, happily and rubbing themselves against Felix.

“Sy… Sylvain, your dogs…”

Sylvain lifted him, hugging him dearly and bringing him away from the dogs.

“I was so worry, Fe’… Where were you?”

“Doing what you expected from me?” Felix replied with a frown. “It took me more time than I guessed.”

It was his entire fault. He thought he would be done with them in a matter of hours, minutes, and had allowed himself to discover the Capital of Sreng. It wasn’t something he would do in any normal case but… this one was a bit different.

And now, hearing that Sylvain was worry, seeing the fear in his eyes…

He tried to control the shiver along his spine.

This look, Sylvain had it so often… Especially when they found each other in the War, at Garreg Mach. As soon as they had to do a mission that would push them apart from each other. As soon as they didn’t see each other since too long… For his own case, he had always worried it might arrive something to Sylvain and it had always weighed his heart, but he hadn’t realized how much it was eating Sylvain alive…

How could he deserve him?

“Anyway…” Sylvain cleared his throat as he put down Felix. “Home,” he added to the dogs, showing the living room.

The two immediately left, making Felix relax a little.

“You should wash your face and then we can go make a big birthday cake for Aimée all together!” he smiled. “I will give you your money too.”

“No.”

Sylvain turned his head toward him. “No? At what part? No cake? No washing? Need help for that, maybe?” he asked with a grin.

“No money,” he replied.

“What?”

“I don’t want you to hire me anymore.”

Sylvain’s heart skipped a beat. Why? What was happening it Felix’s head again? Why sever all contacts? What did he do wrong?

Why he couldn’t keep him at reach…

“I… But why? I have plenty of money, I can…” he tried in a ridicule way.

“You don’t need to pay me, Sylvain. You don’t need to give me anything for those works. You can call me anytime and ask me a service… you have paid enough for your whole life by accepting to stay by my side. Your presence at this exact moment is already paying everything you could ask me.”

“You will come back?” Sylvain said under his breath, afraid he hadn’t correctly understood.

“Yes, idiot. I will come back as often as you would ask me to.”

“Oh Goddess! Don’t frighten me like that! I thought you wanted to run away!” Sylvain hiccupped.

Felix grabbed him by his vest and tugged on it to make him bend, kissing his lips.

“I tried to run away from you all my life but here we are. I always have been destined to be yours.”

Sylvain blushed and kissed him back. He could have a few instants to kiss him to his heart’s content. He needed to. Every moment where he could kiss him, embrace him…

So he embraced him, kissed him, lived through his lips, through his heartbeat he could feel echo within him.

“Daddy! You found h… Oops…”

“Come back here.”

Sylvain watched his darling who just said those last three words to the little girl that was ready to run away. When he crouched, Sylvain noticed how his daughter stared the blood strain of his face. But she said nothing.

Felix took something from his satchel and handed it to her.

“This is my birthday gift for you.”

“Eh?! I refuse!” Sylvain protested.

And for cause?

He was handing her a knife.

Beautiful, with a carved bone as handle but still, a knife!

“But daddyyyyyy!” she protested.

“You’re too young.”

“My father offered mine at three years old.”

“You’re a freak,” Sylvain replied to Felix. “How about I keep it and I will give it later to you?”

Felix and Aimée stared each other then Sylvain. She nodded. Felix handed the gift to the one he loved so much, which seemed relieved anyway. He didn’t want to keep this War atmosphere around his family. Even though it was lurking.

“I could have guessed your father will react that way,” Felix said. He took something else from his satchel. A cat plush made on different fabrics. “Here is your birthday gift!”

She grabbed him with her eyes shining.

“Thank you uncle Felix!! I love it!!!” she yelled, hugging him.

He was bad for hugs when it wasn’t Sylvain but… perhaps because she had his hair, his freckles or his energy, he managed to hug her back without this would look weird to him.

The truth was that, he lost himself in the Capital because he was searching a gift for her. And he was worse at this game than he believed. He had needed so many days to find something adapted to a girl. The knife was really his first gift’s idea. And he was sure Sylvain wouldn’t be happy about it.

He got up, holding her in his arms.

Sylvain’s eyes were shining, seeing them both like that.

“I have something for you too.” Felix’s hand dug in his bag, once again. “I had to hunt at some point and so… That’s not much but I want you to remember me…”

“I will never forget you,” Sylvain smiled.

Felix handed a bracelet made of little bones.

It was special. Very unique. Very Felix-like. And he smiled while taking it.

Aimée pressed her hands over her eyes. “You can kiss, I’m not watching.”

“Well, if it is offered like that…” Sylvain smiled, pushing the bracelet around his wrist.

It was a bit too wide so he pushed it until it hugged his biceps and he grabbed Felix’s arm to tug him into a deep kiss.


	8. Between words

Two months…

Two months without him. Two months to use his ribbon every day to tie his hair, two months to put on his vest as soon as he hadn’t to be a merciless Mercenary…

Why he hadn’t come back to Sreng yet?

The worst was that… he knew it.

He was always welcomed with love and tenderness but, as soon as he left… he had the feeling he wouldn’t be welcomed again.

He wasn’t used to have his presence wished somewhere.

And this was truly the worst because… what he really wished was to be with him. With them. Aimée grew on him. Very much. She wasn’t just a little girl, she was also mature by moment and she wasn’t just crying and asking for attention. She could play alone, she could play with them… She loved being hold in arms but would never ask for it too insistently and she was able to get the dogs away from him.

Each time he thought about them, and not just how much he missed Sylvain, and Sylvain’s only, he couldn’t help thinking about her desire to call him papa. Sylvain would always make sure he felt at his place in the Castle but… knowing she wanted that, knowing she wanted to make him a part of the family…

He hadn’t said yes.

He couldn’t accept.

He was a vagabond. He had no attaches, not a decent and stable income, no idea where he would be the tomorrow and if he would only eat.

No attaches?

He was lying to himself because… every time someone asked Meandering Sword, he wished it was Sylvain.

But since two months, there never was him.

If only he could…

**_BAM BAM BAM._ **

Felix jolted in his bed where he was half-sleeping, hugging Sylvain’s vest despite the lack of smell…

He grabbed his knife and walked toward the door, his fingers steady around the handle. If there was a danger, one blow will be enough.

He opened the door, the knife hid.

It was the owner of the inn. The guy looked annoyed. And was holding a paper in his hand.

“You said you were Meandering Sword, right?”

“I do,” he replied.

“Next time, don’t make deliver your stuff at my place. I don’t have time for that! If I get even one more…”

“I leave your inn tomorrow,” Felix said, snatching the message from his hand. “And won’t come back,” he mumbled.

He opened the letter and froze.

“I leave now,” he said.

He turned to go grab his belongings, throwing his coat on his back, tugging the hood and quickly put on the boots. It was the only thing he needed, plus taking the vest he was hugging until now. His satchel was always ready.

The owner didn’t care if he stayed or not.

Felix had already paid anyway.

If he stayed seven more hours or not, it was his affair.

And he had somewhere to go.

He had received the message that wiped away his doubt, his unease. He had received words that were gently holding out a hand to him. A hand ready to wash the blood on his hands, on his body…

And…

He had the feeling he was welcomed, desired… a soft feeling caressing his soul, easing the little voice on his head.

It hadn’t left him since his brother was dead… a bit after losing Glenn, one of the most important people of his life, he had started to… be seen as Glenn’s ersatz and since this day, he realized that a lot of people expected him to be like him. Being a knight, taking the Dukedom after his father’s death, being able to deal with some things… They kept seeing him ‘you look like your brother’ and even Mercedes talked about her brother when she watched him. Hell! Ashe saw him for Loon!

But Sylvain…

He needed to reach Sylvain!

He needed to reach him so much! He wanted him to find the way to beat something worming his way within him. He wanted him to beat that voice in his head telling him he couldn’t be with Sylvain…

He wanted to be with him…

Why he couldn’t…

Why was it that frightening to be around him? Why was he afraid to lose him? Why this fear of Sylvain starting to be bored…

He lived for those letters calling him.

_ Almost two months later _

“I really don’t understand…” Cunégonde said as she was putting down a cup of tea for Sylvain.

“I’m workiiiiing,” he replied.

“We don’t even need the help of a Mercenary. Why are you letting him leave?” Cunégonde asked. “You asked him to come after three months, then two and now one. Ask him to live with you!”

Sylvain shook his head. “Felix always says he can’t.”

“But he stayed two weeks after that.”

“I know. I’m working, now,” Sylvain said. “Don’t you have work to do?” he added, making a movement saying to her to step away.

She watched the hand gesturing, frowning. And Sylvain quickly hid it. He had been raised with Ingrid. He knew what he was risking.

“I’m just saying…”

“What?” he asked, turning his head toward her.

“I’m just saying I don’t know you very well, perhaps, but it’s been two years and half since I started to work for you. I saw you fake a lot of happiness but I saw you being truly happy only when he was there. I saw you being truly worry only when it was about him. Ask him to stay.”

“I can’t,” Sylvain replied. “That’s not how it works…”

“How it works then?” she asked.

She had the feeling he was just trying to run away from happiness. She had seen him doing that so often. He said it wasn’t within his grip but she knew it _was_ within his grip. She was there when, at his beginning as a Prince, he stated horrible things and was hated. He worked hard on it after and received the respect but she noticed how he had done everything to make sure he wouldn’t be accepted ‘that easily’, only because he was the Prince…

And his ideas were good. He was working so hard with Fódlan, Brigid, Duscur, Almyra and so many others countries to ease the War, to make the lands pleasant…

It was said that he managed to reach Khalid from Almyra, the man that no one had managed to contact before him, to try to have agreement with the Almyrans. He was doing so many efforts and yet, he refused to become the King of Sreng. As if he didn’t deserve it. He kept saying that his mother was still the Queen technically but everybody knew she was too busy to help the Margrave Gautier to rules the grounds of Gautier and Fraldarius…

She just believed he was doing the same. Forbidding happiness to himself…

She knew it because he kept touching the earring of Felix and also the armlet he offered him… It was almost a habit, something he didn’t realize anymore but she could see how much he cared for those…

“Cunégonde. Thank you for the tea but now it’s good. I don’t work that late to have the pleasure to talk with you,” he said.

She folded her arms.

“Perhaps that’s not what I meant. Don’t hit me,” he rectified, rising a finger. “What I mean is: I don’t plan to talk with you so go do your work.”

She smirked. “How have you been a womanizer while being absolutely unable to talk with women?!”

“First, I can; secondly, where did you heard that?!”

“That’s what Lord Felix said,” she snickered. “And, well, your reputation crossed the lines, what did you expect. Even though, I believed you would be happy to hear Felix’s name.”

“Get. Out.”

Sylvain pointed the door.

The woman smiled and swirled on her heels to go to said door. That slammed behind her.

“UGH! I prefer my dogs to you!” he yelled at her.

He passed his hands in his hair. He had a few letters to reply, a bit of accounting to check, a bunch of rules he wanted to reread and see if he could change them, make it easier for the citizens… and then he could take a shower and go to bed. He would probably read a chapter of that book Ashe had sent him and then… he would try to sleep and dream about Felix.

But it seemed to be so distant now…

He was in the middle of a letter to send to Petra, between the ‘How is your grandpa’ and the important matter when he heard knocks at his door.

“Yes?”

The door opened on Cunégonde.

He lost his smile.

“What?” he smirked, annoyed.

“About Lord Felix…”

“Cunégonde! I will gently ask you to get lost!”

“He is there,” she smiled, stepping on the side.

She was tall enough to have hid Felix’s body. And as she moved, she could see the expression of his face change. The annoyance let place to the bliss, to a big smile as Felix appeared in front of his eyes. Holding a shivering tiny beast with fluffy fur in his arms?

“That’s a cat,” Sylvain said. “You have a cat?”

“I found them, chilled to the marrow. It looks like they are lost,” Felix said, caressing the fur. “Can we keep it?”

Sylvain get up with a smile. “We?”

“I mean… you,” Felix corrected.

The Prince approached him, cupping his face to make it rise a little and so he could kiss him. He loved him so much…

“I missed you,” he whispered.

Felix didn’t say the same, probably because Cunégonde was watching with hope in her eyes, but who cared? His expression was saying it to him. His expression was saying ‘I love you’ and way more…

And he said ‘we’.

“Of course, we can have a cat. I still don’t know how you can like them but… yup, let’s have a cat!”

“Thank you,” Felix said, hugging the poor cat.

“I’m eager to know what kind of name you will give them!”

“Uh… cat?” the mercenary replied.

Sylvain laughed and pressed a kiss on his forehead, gently. “If it pleases you, it pleases me.”

“Sylvain…”

He saw a bit of unease in his face and his voice.

Sylvain turned his head toward his servant, smiling kindly. “Thank you, Cunégonde, I don’t need you to hold Felix’s hand sooo… you can go back to your work or sleep?”

“But you were so cute,” she said.

“Cunégonde?” he groaned.

“Fine, fine. How long do you stay, Lord Felix? Do I prepare a breakfast for you tomorrow?” she smiled.

Felix nodded.

She smiled even more and stepped away.

Sylvain sighed then passed his arms around him.

“Sorry, she is just… too nosy.”

“I already have noticed that,” Felix said. “Sorry to arrive that late.”

“At least, you’re not dying of coldness, this time,” Sylvain whispered.

“I took more clothes and went faster. I couldn’t wait anymore…”

“… to be with me?” Sylvain smiled.

“Hm… You were busy?” Felix asked to change the subject and not show how much he loved him.

“A bit, but it’s fine. I’m almost done and you can come.”

Felix shook his head. “I will wait for you in your room. Can the cat come? They need to sleep well in a warm place.”

“That’s touchy…”

“That’s a cat…” Felix said.

“Yeah. But if my dogs aren’t allowed in our room, your cat isn’t allowed in our room.”

“Isn’t blackmailing?”

“No! Of course no! I wouldn’t do that to you. But my dogs are so sad… It would be hard for them to understand.”

“Well… I’m starting to get used to your dogs so… if my cat can stay… I can try with your dogs?”

“Very well. They will sleep on the floor by my side,” he swore. “And if it’s not working immediately, it’s fine. I won’t throw your cat outside.”

“Thank you.”

Felix pressed a kiss on his lips. At the moment he was about to move away, the Prince took his face in his hands and kissed him back.

“I love you,” Felix whispered. “I will let you work so you come faster, okay?”

“’Kay. I will do as fast as possible. I miss you already,” he swore.

Felix kissed him softly.

He forced himself to step away and went to the room with the cat in his arms. Sylvain smiled, watching him until he disappeared. He went back to his desk. He hoped he could really be done with all of this fast. He wanted to go in this bed and hug him tenderly. He wanted to hold him gently while he would fall asleep, look at his face for hours…

Sylvain sat at his desk and took back his letter… and, damn, he should make two different letters. While he didn’t like to ask things to Petra without taking news of her, he couldn’t neither just put all of this in an official letter. So two of them would be better and she would be glad.

He loved keeping contact with people, as long as he hadn’t to get really emotionally invested in that.

_Knock knock._

“Yes?” Sylvain asked, stretching. “If it’s for serving me more tea, go to bed. I will do it myself.”

He took his cup to finish it. It was cold but… not unpleasant.

“I can serve you some tea, if you want to?”

Sylvain turned his head to the entry. He saw Felix, hair untied, wearing nothing but one of his vest.

“Shit… I must have died while working and I’m in heaven.”

“Idiot,” Felix smiled. “I just came to see if everything was alright.”

“Yep! I told you I was coming.”

“Two hours ago,” Felix replied.

“Shit! Already?! Ugh… I…”

Felix approached him, kissing him tenderly and climbed on his lap. He passed his arms around him, snuggling against him.

“Keep working, if it’s important. You don’t have to lose your time for me.”

Sylvain’s eyes widened. He switched a little and made him move just a bit. Felix kissed his cheek. He glanced at the desk and frowned.

“What is that?”

“I’m sending a letter to Dedue. He is not a high instance of Duscur but he knew people and will try to help me. If we are a few to contact the teacher about all of this, perhaps the frontier would be less protected. Just what it is needed but not in the same way than before… The World should be more open.”

“If you believe in this, I will support you.” He pressed a kiss on his lips. “Here to support you.”

“Ah! I will need lot of support!”

“But…” Felix said before kissing him. “I was talking about that.”

He showed the letters on the desk.

“Oh… it helps me when I work too much.”

“They are all crumpled.”

“Guess I have read them too much,” Sylvain smiled.

Felix held out his hand to take one of them, watching the words. It was just writing, useless sentence after useless sentence…

“Those are my letters,” he said.

“Yay.”

“You read them all the time?”

“Yes,” Sylvain replied.

Felix kissed him tenderly. “I will send you more letters then.”

“Nice,” he replied against his lips, kissing him back. “Can you stay a bunch of days?”

“I will,” Felix replied. He snuggled in his arms. “And I let you work now…”

“I will go as fast as possible,” Sylvain swore, pressing a kiss on his temple.

Two hours later, Sylvain was tired but he finally put the final point on his last letter. He had looked the accountings, checking the rules… and Felix was sleeping in his lap, breathing slowly, nuzzling his nose once in a while against his neck.

He didn’t know if he had taken too much time on this because he was too invested in there, taking care of everything; or because he kept looking at Felix’s face or perhaps because he was humming a song to ease Felix.

He knew how he needed a constant sound even if he pretended the invert. And he knew how much he loved songs.

He knew how much him singing softly for him was easing him.

And he wanted nothing more than easing him…

Sylvain put the letters into briefs and then he got up, holding the little man in his arms, against his chest. His precious heart against his heart…

He brought him in the bedroom. The cat was sleeping between the cushions, like a very happy cat, and Sylvain installed Felix next to them.

He heard a little moan and turned to the door.

He smiled and approached the entry. He crouched, hugging his dogs.

“Come, my girls.”

He got up and brought them by his side of the bed. He just removed a few clothes and entered in the bed, taking Felix in his arms. He felt him snuggling and smiled, covering his face with love.

“Sylvain…” Felix whispered.

“Yeah, I love you too,” he smiled, pressing more kisses on his face.

The birds were singing strangely here, being endemic to Sreng only and having their very own screams. Felix got used to it with time… and still, he had a lot to discover and getting up with those was still a bit strange. But certainly less strange than watching the one he loved sleeping.

It hadn’t happened often and he realized… he loved that too much.

He couldn’t help smile, blessed.

And they have been torn apart for only one month…

And yet…

One month seemed an eternity… And when he thought it has been only six months, pretty much, since he saw him again. How did he manage to stay away from him for two years?!

He remembered the time of War but they kept seeing each other and they send each other letters.

There… they did send letters to each other but that was mostly him sending letter and Sylvain telling him to come.

He noticed it was more and more frequent and for useless things.

Sylvain wanted him to be there. He wanted to be there too but… it was so frightening.

He moved his fingers to caress the cheeks covered with freckles.

“I love you so much, Sylvain. I’m yours forever,” he whispered, snuggling in his arms.

He felt the embrace closing around him.

“Me too, my Felix,” he said.

He was about to kiss him but Felix pressed his hands over his face, blushing hard.

“SYLVAIN?! You are awake! You weren’t supposed!!!!”

Sylvain laughed and kissed his hands.

“It’s fine. You can tell me you love me, I won’t repeat it to anyone. Though I wanna brag about it to everybody. Being loved by you… It is probably the best thing that could never happen to me,” Sylvian whispered.

Felix blushed and looked away.

“Stop…”

“Waf!”

Next to Peach who just woofed happily, there was Bergamot who stretched and looked at them, waving her tail.

Felix tensed, his nails digging in Sylvain’s flesh. Pretty much in the same time that the cat next to him. Both of them letting a strange sound come from their mouth.

Sylvian let out a little giggle, hugging him tenderly. “I don’t know why I have such a hard time with cats knowing you are basically a cat.”

“And I don’t know why I can’t deal with dogs because you’re such a dog,” Felix replied.

“That’s right,” he laughed. “How have you decided to call your cat?” he asked.

Felix had taken them in his arms to ease them. And maybe ease himself? Especially because Sylvain had held out his hand toward them and so they were approaching, waving their tail hard.

“Fe’, give me your hand please.”

“How’s that?” Felix said.

“Like, let me take your hand,” he laughed. Sylvain tilted his head, smiling widely. “Except you wanted something else,” he winked.

The Mercenary just allowed him to take his hand, still hugging the cat. He didn’t know how he wanted to call them. He was bad at this.

Felix let his Sylvain take his hand, and let him approach his fingers from the nose of Peach. She waved her tail and sniffed him.

“She won’t attack you.”

The other dog approached, trying to sniff too. Sylvain let go of his hand, letting it move to Bergamot.

Both Felix and the cat were tensed.

“None of them will. I will bring them outside to play, don’t worry.”

“Thank you,” he said. Felix bit his lower lip and he pressed his fingers on the wet nose of Bergamot. “Okay… that’s… acceptable,” he confessed. “I had enough, thank you.”

“Okay. Thank for trying.”

Sylvain kissed his cheek. Felix closed his eyes when the beard rubbed his face. It was still so warm and delightful.

“I’m going outside with the girls. Get yourself ready for breakfast and… you know, if you don’t do the mission and just stay…”

“What? You don’t want me to go to the frontier and neutralize the smugglers?” Felix smirked.

Sylvain got up from the bed. “Those are a real problem but perhaps I can do it myself,” he said. “And you, you stay longer?”

“I will stay two weeks. But then, I need to leave.”

The redhead leaned over him. Felix saw his eyes in his. He expected him to say something like ‘why?’ or ‘stay with me a little longer’ or perhaps ‘don’t leave’? Anything but…

“I understand. I will miss you.”

Felix watched him. His heart was tight.

He tried to smile to him but he struggled. He didn’t feel very well. Not because Sylvain didn’t desperately try to keep him there but because… he was fearing to hurt him…

He wanted to say ‘I love you’ but those words seemed traitors… as if he wanted to keep him in his trap or force him to excuse him? He didn’t know but it just felt weird.

And him…

He closed his eyes as he heard Sylvain leave the room. He opened them again and got up from the bed to put on some clothes. And, of course, he finished the outfit with Sylvain’s vest. He tried to tame a bit his hair, tying them, and he walked back to the bed, taking the cat in his arms. The pet meowed. They probably accepted to be held that way because he saved them? Or because they were affectionate?

He remembered that Glenn had always easily the affection of cats. They would always rub their heads against him, purring and always making biscuit on him, as he said.

Perhaps it was the only thing he wanted to be like him? To be reminded as him?

He believed his love of cats came from there?

For a second, he thought about calling this beautiful white cat with red-brown spots Glenn. But then he shook this idea out and walked outside the door with the cat in his arms. He walked toward the stairs and then bit his lower lip and stepped toward Aimée’s room. He had seen how the Sun had raised through the windows and he stood in front of the door. But he didn’t dare to knock.

He just didn’t know if he didn’t look too creepy there?

Waiting for her?

And yet, he waited, caressing the cat that purred softly in his arms…

Sylvain wasn’t still come back, with wasn’t surprising, when Felix heard sound from inside. He hesitated two seconds before knocking at the door.

“Yes?” a tiny tired voice said.

“It’s… Felix.”

“Uncle Felix! Come in! Come in!”

Felix opened the door, stepping inside. The curtains weren’t pushed open but the light entered inside. The little girl was still yawning in her bed.

“When have you arrived, Uncle Felix?” she asked.

She was hugging her cat’s plush, the lion checking on her from the pillow.

“This night.”

“How long you stay?”

She yawned again and straightened in the bed. She wanted to jump as his neck but she knew she couldn’t. Uncle Felix wasn’t this kind of man and he could hit her without realizing it in order to protect himself. Her father always told her to be cautious because he had always knives hid all everywhere.

“Two weeks,” he said.

“Then you leave?”

“Yes. But I will come back.”

She smiled widely. “I like when you are here!” She looked at the cat. “And you have a cat!”

“Your father said I can keep them… But I won’t be there all the time and I thought… you could name them?”

“Oh!” she said, her eyes shining. “Yes! We could name them… hm…” She seemed to think really hard. “Caramel!”

Felix couldn’t help but smile. He wouldn’t tell him because it would make his own tongue smelt but at this exact moment, she just looked like a tiny Sylvain. It wasn’t that surprising though. She had been raised by him. Not entirely, it was true, but he was the one who did it right. And Felix never doubted he would end up a good father if he dared to try. He had known the hatred, the feeling of making you useless except for something within your blood, he had seen so many wrong choices having been taken for the right one…

While Sylvain was afraid, Felix never doubted he would be able, in contrary, to give the love he always craved for.

When they were just children, he already was the one who whipped away his tears when Glenn wasn’t there…

His heart was so big and he was unable to see it…

“Aimée… you told me you wanted me to become your papa…” he said in a low voice.

As if he didn’t even want her to hear it…

“Yes! I still want to,” she said.

“What do I have to do to become it?” he asked.

She watched him with big shiny eyes.

“I don’t think you have anything to do!” she said. “You can just be it!”

Felix stared her with confusion. He had been raised in such a way that he didn’t think he could be something… He had to deserve it. He had to be worthy of it.

He shook his head while the little girl handed her hand to the cat who sniffed her with interest.

“What should I do?”

This time, she looked confused.

“You have to stay here forever!” she started.

“I can’t.”

“And also, you have to make daddy happy,” she continued. “And to play with me sometimes? Daddy is the best! But he is also busy… He tries to work just when I’m at school but sometimes…”

Felix nodded.

He could do that.

“I will stay a bit. I can bring you at school and bring you back at home.”

She had stars in her eyes again. Her father would always do his best but it was rare he would actually bring her to school. Not that he didn’t want to but he still avoided going around, as if he feared something…

“Thank you, uncle Felix!” she said.

She took him in his arms, making wave their tail to Caramel.

Felix tensed himself but said nothing and… just patted her head as if she was a little dog or something…


	9. A glimpse of Eternity

_ 2 months and half later _

Rolling in a little ball against Sylvain’s, Felix slept. It has been three weeks since he was there. It was so good but on the other hand… he would leave today. He was a mercenary. His life was on the streets… certainly not in a Castle, to build a swing with the help of a few servants; certainly not to get to know two bigs dogs; certainly not to go on the school to get Aimée from there, or bring her in place; certainly not to curl against Sylvain and live for this…

Everytime he was about to leave, he stayed for hours to watch him. Because he didn’t know how much he will have to wait without seeing him.

Or…not exactly because, he noticed that Sylvain waited less and less to call him back. This time, it was just one month.

Perhaps, the next time it would be two weeks.

It was so strange…

The more he stayed there and… the more he needed to be here.

He kept saying he couldn’t stay because he was a Mercenary but he also had noticed… a void within him when he was away…

Tonight, like others nights, he was sleeping. Sleeping after having watched him for so long…

And this night, like it happened sometimes, he was awakened by Sylvain moving under him. He opened an eye, still half lost in the realm of sleep, to see his face thanks to the light coming from Moon and Stars. The face tensed, the traits switching and… the moans of terror coming from his lips.

Without a second thought, Felix moved his hand, shaking hard Sylvain’s body. Calling his name for making him step outside of this nightmare.

Suddenly, his back hit the mattress, a hand closed around his neck, tightening around it.

This was new…

Felix already got hit when the nightmares when too horrible but most of the time, he managed to calm him or to wake him slowly. But this… his hand way more powerful that he could have ever guess, squeezing his throat.

He moved his hand, passing it on Sylvain’s warm cheek, the beard tickling him.

“It’s me…” he painfully said.

Smiling to him.

Barks echoed in the room.

“F… Fe… Felix?” Sylvain hiccupped.

He snapped his fingers together and a ball of fire dashed from them to a torch, lightning the room.

“Did… Did I hurt you?”

Felix shook his head. “I’m fine, Sylvain. Come here…”

He tugged him in his arms.

“You should know… that you shouldn’t wake up someone having a nightmare.”

“Sorry about _that_ ,” Felix replied.

It happened so often that Sylvain tried to wake him up from a nightmare, or just too happily in the morning for a hug, and he ended up with a knife under his throat. In fact… for a moment, Sylvain had forbidden the knives in the bed and yet, Felix managed always to find one. A bit like a deadly magician.

Sylvain always found that pretty sexy… as long as Aimée risked nothing by trying to sneak for a surprise hug.

He didn’t mind being hurt. Especially by Felix. But having his little treasure hurt? Having the man of his life hurt?!

“Bergamot, Peach, calm down now, it’s fine,” Sylvain said, caressing his dogs.

They were used to stay at distance of him when he had nigthmares and he wasn’t surprised they were perturbated…

“If you need to talk about it…” Felix started in a whisper.

“I don’t want… I want your embrace to be linked only to good things,” Sylvain said, pressing his cheek against his chest, hearing the heart beat under it.

Felix caressed his hair, his fingers moving to his other cheek sometimes. And when they came too close from Sylvain’s mouth, he just kissed them.

Being in his arms like that was pleasant.

The only thing he truly needed…

“Say, Fe’…”

“Yes?”

“I know you said you would leave today but… could you stay a couple of days more? I don’t fe…”

“You don’t have to explain anything,” Felix replied. “Your wishes are my command.”

Sylvain raised on his elbow to look at him, his fingers shivering and his eyes full of desire. But not this kind of desire…

“You know you are giving me too much power. And I’m not sure I can use it correctly…”

“You know I can’t stay,” Felix replied.

“I know.”

He moved a bit upper, rubbing his face against his. Felix let out a giggle and pressed himself against him, his arms closing around his shoulders. Almost hopelessly.

Totally hopelessly.

“Stop it!” Felix protested in a laugh.

“It can’t convince you neither?” Sylvain asked in a shocked tone.

“I love it,” Felix replied, in the bliss of that warmth and softness. “I love _you_ but I… can’t stay. I will come as soon as you would call me, I swear. But I can’t stay.”

Sylvain groaned and pressed his head on his chest again. He felt Felix’s thighs closing around him and he lowered his hand to caress one of them.

“I’m sorry, Sylvain. I… I need to.”

“You know… I will never have enough of you… I dealt with you since you were born. You were only five that you clearly was my universe… Life isn’t life if you’re not there…” He looked down. “And I never cried… I always let you leave without crying…”

“I know.”

“I will always let you leave, Fe’. You’re not trapped with me. You’re you and I love you for that.”

“I know. This won’t change anything. I need to leave.”

“I know. I wasn’t trying to hold you back. I never liked kitty in cage…”

“Caramel is not allowed to go outside.”

“Eh!” Sylvain protested, rising his chest. “Caramel refuses to go outside because they don’t like to cold their paws! I’m innocent on this! They like too much the warm! This Royal Highness already had stared me for _hours_ for me to set a fire just for them! If that’s not your cat!!”

Felix smiled. “That’s why you don’t like cats: you can’t refuse them anything.”

“Eh! That must be that!” Sylvain caressed his face and kissed his lips. “In fact… I have a present for you.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you?” Sylvain said.

Felix smiled a little.

Sylvain got up and leaned over his nightstand. As he did, Felix stared at him. The bones armlet still around his upper arm, hugging his muscles, the cat earring in his ear… And him, who always wore the ribbon and his vest. He hoped to reach the perfect balance of being able to trade a vest against another just when the smell was vanishing. He would be always surrounded by Sylvain’s smell, then.

“I should offer you something too…” he whispered.

“You shouldn’t. Your presence is a present.”

“Stop,” Felix smiled against his will.

“You know I believe it,” Sylvain cut short. He leaned toward him, kissing him again. “Here…”

“I know you be… Is this a kitty choker?” he asked.

He watched the black collar with a tiny bell on it.

“Kind of? I just thought you would be lovely with it. I removed the ball inside the bell so you can stay discrete while working. I saw it when you pushed me to go get Aimée at school. Well… It was on a big plush at first and…”

“Is this why she came back from school with that big bear?”

“Yes!” Sylvain smiled.

“I believed we could trust you,” Felix smirked back.

“You know you can never trust me!”

“And yet, here I am, being an idiot that will always trust you.” Felix turned in the bed, gathering his long hair and lifting them on his skull. “Can you tie it for me?”

“Of course.”

Sylvain kissed the nape, his lips pressing on a dark blue strand just after. He unlocked the collar and passed it around his neck.

“Please, see it as a way to think about me, always…”

“Sylvain, don’t be silly…”

“Can I?” he asked, smiling, as the little ‘clic’ of the lock echoed around.

Felix turned toward him and he kissed him, opening slightly his lips to invite him inside. Sylvain didn’t refuse this, kissing him deeply. He smiled as he heard his darling moan, closing his eyes just after having seen his red cheeks.

“I…” Felix whispered as the tongue let him breath one second. “…always…” He gulped and kissed him back, pushing him a bit backward so he could climb on his lap. “… think about you.”

“Fe’…” he smiled.

He slid his hands on his uncovered thighs, thought… that was the only thing really uncovered because, while not caring much about his appearance, Felix knew what his lover liked. It was comfortable to just wear his vest and high thighs sock and he was very fine with this. Especially if it pleased him.

“And… I wanted to ask you a service,” he said, his hands caressing the muscles spread above his stomach.

“Anything you want,” Sylvain said, watching him, enthralled. “By the way, if we do that every time I have a nightmare, I will start to read scary stories before bed.”

“Idiot,” Felix smiled, kissing his neck. He just loved him so much… He just loved so much to make him happy in every way. And to fulfill him. He wanted to erase everything else from his mind. He wanted to be the One for him. “Can I leave some clothes here?”

“You want to leave some clothes here?” he repeated.

“I would like to. I don’t need all my belongings and you have bough too much clothes for me when I stayed there anyway. Don’t you know how to wash them?”

“I do! And my servants know it too! But… I like having you comfy and all. Those clothes suit you so well.”

Felix kissed his Adam’s apple, his fingers going lower.

“Can I?”

“Felix, I’m about to cry but if you think that’s because you will leave, let me jump from the window.”

“Don’t say that…” Felix whispered. He lifted his hands, his fingertips caressing the edge of his eyes. “Don’t talk about dying like that… Even as a joke. And don’t cry for me… I don’t deserve it.”

He pressed a kiss under his eye.

“Wrong. You deserve everything. You deserve my laugh and my happy tears. I would give you the World if I could.”

“If you keep talking, I will cry too,” Felix smiled.

“You won’t,” Sylvain smiled.

“You managed to once.”

“Too true,” the Prince noticed. “I can’t believe you love _me_ that much.”

“Same… You could find way better, Sylvain José Gautier,” Felix sighed.

“I don’t want ‘better’… You are everything I want,” he whispered.

“You’re everything I need, wished, desire… and love,” Felix said under his breath.

Sylvain pressed his forehead against his forehead. He wanted to beg ‘don’t let go’ but he knew he had to let him leave if he needed it.

He tried to swallow his tears and he kissed him, hugging his little body in his musculars arms.

Like everytime Felix left Sreng, he passed by the Fraldarius domain and went to the inn he used to go with Glenn. His father hated that place and Glenn only brought him there with discretion.

Usually, Felix avoided going to place where he used to go with his brother or in place where he could be assimilated to him.

He hated that.

Hated people calling him ‘Glenn’ by accident. Hated people telling him stories of Glenn and ending them with ‘you look like him’ or ‘you will follow his path soon enough’. But he loved stories about Glenn because he missed him, because he wanted to grasp moment with him that he might having missed…

But this place?

It was almost on a straight path after leaving Sreng, the food was good, the beds corrects. And though the barmaid always called him ‘Glenn’ it was making memories come back and he loved it.

So, like everytime, Felix approached the counter, ordered food and let the memories flood within him. He just wanted to drink, eat something… smell the soft perfume coming from the vest hugging him.

“Glenn! I’m doing a double dish just for you!” she said.

“Thank you.”

He didn’t know why she kept telling him that every time. But on the other hand, she still believed he was Glenn. He watched his reflect in the glass she put in front of him. Did he looked that much like his brother?

Strangely, all he could see was the red ribbon around his hair tied in a ponytail, th vest around his shoulders and the collar hugging his neck. And the void climbing in him.

It had been only one week. How could he…

“Eh, when you would have time, can I have papers and something to write?”

Felix ruffled at his belt to grab the bag full of money. He removed enough coins for his room, his meal and the paper and the ink. And the tip.

He pushed them toward her.

“I like your new collar. That’s so cute! You always liked cat,” she said.

“Yeah…”

“We should found you some animal ears and…”

“Yes,” Felix cut short. “Can I? I really need to send a letter,” he said.

“Of course, I’m sorry, Glenn. I’m not a bad owner, usually!”

“You’re not bad, it is fine,” he replied.

The lady grabbed paper and gave it to him. She smiled as she was pouring a coffee for him. He didn’t like it black with just a bit of sugar but it seemed that Glenn liked it that way…

“Who do you want to write to? Your father? Your little brother? How’s Felix? How’s Ingrid and Sylvain? Ah! I remember the first time you brought them three here. Felix and Sylvain shared a big cup of Ice cream and this was one of the cutest thing I ever saw. Does he still want to marry him?”

Felix was happy he wasn’t drinking because he almost choked in.

“I… he wanted what?” Felix hiccuped.

“Felix said he wanted to marry Sylvain. I remember they had that promise.”

“Yay,” Felix hiccupped. “I… heard it helped them to stay alive through the War and…”

“They are just babies, how can it help?” she asked. “How old are they?”

Felix bit his lower lip.

He couldn’t lie. Pretending being Glenn was worst again.

“Sylvain is twenty-eight, almost twenty-nine and Felix… I am twenty-six.”

“You… are not Glenn?” she said.

“Glenn is dead. Thirteen years ago.”

She looked shocked. But she laughed. Her hands came around his cheeks. “And you, sweetheart, you let me call you Glenn! You should have told it, little cat.”

Felix couldn’t reply.

He saw her tears in her eyes but didn’t know what to say.

She smiled.

“And so… you married him?”

“No.”

“Why?” she asked. “Does he have found a girlfriend? His father had married him to someone? Did he become ugly?” she laughed.

“He has become beautiful, he is…perfect. I just…keep running away from him?”

“Why?”

Felix looked the papers. It was for that he wanted to send a letter to Ingrid. To Sylvain for him to have support, of course, but to Ingrid to understand what was wrong with him. Sylvain’s words mattered, he couldn’t say that just to get him. He already had him. And it certainly wasn’t another trick to bring him to spicy love because he would gave that to him no matter what.

He loved him.

He needed him.

So… why?

“When I’ll figure it out, I might stop running away…” he whispered.


	10. Enthralled

One week after having left that inn he used to go with his brother, Felix had been called back at Sreng. He was delighted but so lost… So lost he managed to stay one week, and a few days, before leaving again. He crossed the country of Sreng, his heart tightening but sure he would have work soon.

Well…

No.

To be honest, work started to lack since he kept coming to Sylvain’s Castle.

The word of mouth was still working but since he wasn’t disponible and he had missed a lot of opportunities, he was less reliable, people asked less his help.

That was the reason why it was bad to get attached to someone. That was the reason why he shouldn’t pass his time hoping he would be blessed by Sylvain’s presence.

That was the reason why he left after one week.

Because… because he had to get himself off Sylvain or because he was running away from happiness.

Felix was tired and… drenched because there was snowing and the snow melt against his skin and his clothes.

He pushed open the door of the inn he used to come. He approached a table and sat there, exhausted. He pressed his face against his shoulder. Against Sylvain’s vest. Smelling so good… smelling like him.

He closed his eyes, seeing again Aimée, letting go of her homeworks to say goodbye to him but begging him with her eyes. While he was in need of more of this little family, he felt he wasn’t the only one who wished for more.

And that was making him shiver.

He had made a swing for Aimée, he was pushing her some days on it; he was helping her with her homeworks when Sylvain couldn’t; he was getting used to Bergamot and Peach, even though he was fully confortable only when there was someone else… He had a cat and clothes there. And he died a bit more of love each time he received a kiss from Sylvain.

His life was there.

And he ran away from it.

He hated himself…

Damn! He was talking with Sylvain for hours; Sylvain had brought him at the Opera the other days; he played with Aimée and go bring her to home or take her back; he woke her up some days and even took her in his arms… But he couldn’t be his father because he was running away.

His hands were stained with blood.

He didn’t want to dirty them.

But… Sylvain’s hands were stained with blood and when he touched him, there was nothing but bliss.

“Glenn…”

Glenn?

The old owner must have real memories problem to call him like that again when he had revelead who he was not so long again.

He didn’t feel right.

He didn’t feel about telling her again he wasn’t Glenn…

“Yes?”

“You’re making call yourself ‘Meandering Sword’, isn’t it?” she said.

“Yes? Why?”

“I have a message for you.”

“For me?”

Felix took the message she was handing him.

He saw the writing, quick and delicate, thick.

“Sylvain?”

“Sylvain sent you a letter? How cute! Does he want to see Felix? Those two are so cute! I remember when they were young, you brought them there and they shared a big cup of glace together. They were so cute. I bet they will marry each other, one day.”

“I wish…” Felix whispered. “I have to leave for Sreng, do you have bread or something?”

“I can make you a few sandwiches for the road!”

“Thank you,” he said.

He swore himself he wouldn’t stay longtime at Gautier’s house but… For Sothis sake, he wanted to stay longtime.

Perhaps he should…

Perhaps he should tell him it was enough?

No, not enough. He wanted to come back.

But perhaps he would say they had to put more distance between the visit?

Or…

Ugh, he didn’t want to think about that. He wanted to go there. One day. Two maximum.

Two weeks!

He stayed there two weeks!

How could he have been so stupid?

How could he have been… so enthralled by Sylvain. Easing his late nightmare, helping him to face old fear, snuggling in his arms while he was working, cuddling… And Aimée showed him a new game she had learned, teaching him to play with him. He still believed it was funnier to train to kill someone but, yes, playing with a ball with Aimée was a pleasure. Trying to play fetch with the dogs was funny.

All of this was so good but… But he couldn’t stay…

He had to leave.

He had to…

He…

“When will you come back, uncle Felix?” the little girl asked, holding out her arms to him.

Felix lifted her, bringing her against his chest.

“I don’t know. Soon, I suppose? I have a bit of work to do in Fódlan. And perhaps going to see your aunt Ingrid.”

She still hadn’t replied to his letter. He gave her the adress of the inn where he was mistaken for Glenn and had hoped for a reply, the distance was quite short. But nothing. He truly believed if someone could told him what he was feeling, all of this could be fixed.

He just needed someone to slap him and talk to him heart to heart, or whatever it was in this case…

And if someone was able to do it, it could only be Ingrid.

“But you will come back, right?”

“I will always come back,” he swore.

“Ah!!” she smiled.

She snuggled in his arms.

She wanted to ask when, she wanted to know if he will think about them but even though being a joyful little girl, she also had been raised to avoid indelicate questions.

And she knew how much it was at this moment.

Her uncle Felix was supposed to have left hours ago.

And he was staying again.

If he stayed more, he would be outside in the mid of the night. It might look like a good idea to have him staying back with them but… she knew he had to leave.

“Can I say goodbye too?” Sylvain smiled.

Felix looked up to him and he couldn’t help a pure smile to appear on his lips as the redhead was approaching him. Sylvain leaned over him, making him smile even more, if it was possible, as he rubbed his face against his. Aimée pretended she wasn’t seeing anything, pressing her hands over her eyes, but looking through the gap between her fingers.

Talking about fingers… Felix’s fingers were closed around Sylvain’s vest. Himself, he had one of his around his shoulders. In a way, he reached what he wanted: the last time, the vest he had still smelled like the one he loved when he had been called and he could get a new one, with fresh smell. With carriable hugs, memories, feelings of safety but…

His fingers closed even more as Sylvain’s lips approached his.

Willingly, he opened his lips, accepting his love, no matter who was there. He needed him again. Just a little bit.

“ _Don’t let me leave, don’t let me leave, don’t let me leave,”_ he begged.

Sylvain pulled back too fast.

“ _Don’t let me leave, don’t let me leave, don’t let me leave.”_

He wanted to force him to come back, to kiss him more.

Damn… he didn’t want to leave but…

“I will send you a letter when I will need you?” Sylvain asked.

“Sure, but I might be a bit busy so…” Felix said. “ _Don’t let me leave, don’t let me leave, don’t let me leave.”_

“I understand. I will try not to annoy you too much. We are just always glad to see you,” Sylvain smiled.

“Me too.” His smile withered. “ _Sylvain, don’t let me leave. Say something. Don’t let me leave…”_ Sylvain hadn’t cried once when he was leaving. He had hold his promises but… him, he truly fought against his tears at this moment. “ _Don’t let me leave! Don’t let me leave!! DON’T LET ME LEAVE!!”_

Felix forced himself to let go of the warm fabric. He put down Aimée and walked to the door, opening it and… closing it behind him and on those lovelies days.

“You are an **_idiot_**!” Cunégonde yelled.

Sylvain didn’t react while his daughter dashed to his legs, hiding her face against his hip.

“How could you let him go?! Why are you even letting him go?! Why are you always running away from happiness?! I thought I saw you make a lot of idiots things in those last three years but now, I’m telling you, you are doing the most stupid thing you never did!” She walked toward the door. “If you are too coward to go tell him to stay, I will do it for you. I’m done of those little games!”

“Cunégonde,” Sylvain said with the coldest tone she never heard. “If you go out, never come back. I will fire you if you try anything…”

She turned her head toward him. Aimée pressed her tiny hands on her father’s pant.

“This is so stupid…” she whispered.

“Where is Thierry?” Sylvain asked, taking his daughter in his arms, lifting her.

He walked away in the appalled look of Cunégonde. Should she try? Who care if she lost her job if he could finally be happy…

Felix rubbed his face. Whiping his eyes with a groan.

It was so cold… You could sense that the Winter was setting. He realized he never really had known Sreng while Winter and he didn’t know if he truly wanted to try it or not… He wasn’t ever sure he could allow himself to cross this weather, whatever if it was by walking or ridding a horse.

He remembered the night he came here, too late, and almost died because of the very low temperature.

He didn’t want to experience that again.

And he realized… he didn’t knew much about Sreng. Did they go to school in this period? What they do while Winter?! Aimée talked to him about three months vacations… perhaps it was that? He didn’t remember… He was too busy looking at Sylvain and pretending he didn’t, probably.

Perhaps it was a good thing he didn’t stay here.

Because, obviously, he was doing it wrong…

He rubbed his eyes once again.

The path he had taken so often was leading him outside of the Capital.

He turned his head to the Castle. One last time. From there you couldn’t see nothing. Not even a redhead who would lovingly look at you by the window.

“Why have you let me leave…?” he whispered.

He knew why.

He had been so clear-out about not staying the first time, and so many others times, that Sylvain probably didn’t want to try anymore?

He didn’t want to get a refus.

He understood.

But… he just needed to know Sylvain wouldn’t have enough of him.

How many times he had wished Sylvain ask him again but he had desesperated him, hadn’t he? Each time he asked him to stay a few more days, a few more hours, he was complying.

Why he couldn’t tell him ‘I want to stay’?

Because…

Because he was afraid Sylvain didn’t want anymore?

Afraid of the implications of being with him? He was the last Fraldarius, his grounds were abandonned… as much as everybody had abandonned him. His brother, his father, Dimitri… as much as he had abandonned everybody. As a coward.

He should…

He should go back there.

He should…

Why his feet didn’t move anymore?!

“Felix!”

Felix looked down to the path. Someone was running toward him.

“Thank Goddess, you’re still there! I was afraid to have missed you.”

Felix shook his head. “What do you want?”

He watched him… he was pretty sure he was knowing his name. This boy was doing the delivery in the capital for Sylvain. Terrence? Theo?

“I have a message for you?”

“What?”

Theophile?

“The Prince has a message for you,” he said, handing the paper to him.

Thierry…

Felix stepped to him and took the paper. He pressed it in his hand. And dashed to the Castle.

He didn’t care it was at almost one kilometer and he had already walked down that path. He didn’t care he was climbing a cliff. He was running it, letting the poor messenger there.

As he started to huff and puff, the cold air entered in his lungs and he believed they will explode. But he pursued. He couldn’t stop. The coldness was taking this as a witness, attacking his cheeks. That wouldn’t make him step back.

He approached the big doors and dug his hand in his pocket.

He retrieved the key Sylvain gave him.

A key.

Sylvain gave him a key of his Castle.

One month ago.

He arrived at the door, pushed the key inside and turned it. Hearing the lock sound, he felt his heart beating so fast. But perhaps it was because he had run so fast. So hard.

When he pushed the doors open, he saw…

Sylvain in the entry, a knee on the floor, a little box in his hands.

Felix breahted with difficulties.

“I…” He hiccuped. “I hate you,” he whispered.

Sylvain smiled anyway.

“Felix Hugo Fraldarius…”

“I do,” he replied, walking toward him.

“You didn’t let me finish!” Sylvain protested.

Felix’s knees crushed in front of him. “I don’t care. I do.” He passed his arms around his shoulders, still breathing heavily. “Whatever it is, I do. Everything you want… Just…” He pressed his forehead against his. “Never let me go again. Never again…”

“Felix Hugo Fraldarius,” Sylvain whispered against his lips. “I made you a promise, years ago,” he said. “I promised you every of my days. I want to reiterate this promise… Felix Hugo Fraldarius… will you pass every second of your life by my side?”

“I do,” Felix replied without a second thought.

Sylvain smiled was at this obstination and kissed him. “Felix Hugo Fraldarius… By this ring, I promise you to be with you until Death tear us apart. I promise you to pass my last second with you, holding your hand… I give you every right on everything you owe already: my heart, my life, my body,” he added with a wink.

Felix let out a laugh, because of the euphoria. And he felt… something warm slide along his cheeks while Sylvain was gliding the ring on his finger.

“Fe’…” Sylvain said, pushing away one of the warm tears sliding on his cheek.

“I’m fine,” he smiled. “I never have been better, Sylvain. My Sylvain, I promise you to always be by your side. In the worst and best moment… I promise you to fight death so we can life together for decades; I wish to grow old with you, regret nothing, never. Not with you. Not about you. I promise you… I will only cry happy tears for you.”

“I shall accept them,” Sylvain replied, kissing one.

“I promise you… what I always knew: I will marry you. I will marry you every day if you want it. You always have been my destiny. You always have been my present.”

“You are my everything… I promise you to only look at you. There is nothing more beautiful in the World than you,” he whispered. “I promise you to always whipe your tears away, to always chase your nightmare away.”

“I promise you I will always be there to light your way in the darkness, help you to fight your phobia or just be there when you need comfort.”

“I promise you…” Sylvain kissed his forehead. “…my life, my love, for the rest of our days.”

“I promise you…” Felix kissed him, his fingers, the ring shining at his hand, caressing his neck. “… my life, my love, for the rest of our days.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I c0mmissionned the amazing [ @eggyankee ](https://twitter.com/eggyankee) for this Sylvix S-Support and I'm BLESSED!!!! I love it so much and I'd highly recommand to look up her art if you don't know her yet!


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